Back In Bed

I have been back in bed the last two days. I got very sick on wednesday night, vomiting with horrible stomach cramps. I haven't been eating too much. Everytime I eat, the cramps come back. Hopefully it is just a 24-48 hour stomach bug and that the rest of my family does not get it. I don't want to see my precious little girl sick, not yet, she's too little.

I am looking for the magic thing to get her to sleep. I try to keep her awake while nursing and then out her in her crib while drowsy, but not asleep. And she just cries. So then I tried letting her cry for a couple minutes and then putting her back down, this just makes her even more mad. The reason I need to find a different approach is because when Rowan is here he needs attention to. I can't take an hour to two hours to try and get her to sleep while trying to occupy a toddler, it's so hard, and it's alos not fair to him. So my question is...how do I set the tone for being able to just lie her in the crib and let her self soothe herself to sleep?

And I have tried the pacifier, does not work. Well I shouldn't say it doesn't work, I can't get her to keep it.

So I was up all last night and the night before, and the night before, okay, I've been up a lot of nights since we brought her home, but I feel like we need to be getting into some routine. Early this morning, about after the 6th time of feeding her to get her back to sleep, (cause it's the only thing that works) neal came over and asked why I didn't get him. He has to go to work the next day and work with heavy machinery. I told him I want to quit breastfeeding, even though it's going great, she just wants to eat all the time, and she's so unhappy. I guess I feel like that if I see what's going into her, then I can tell myself it's okay to not feed her when I think she is hungry. And mayby formula will keep her belly fuller longer. Hubby's grandma told me at a christmas get together that she never had to get up with any of her children during the night, from the beginning. I want that, okay I don't mind once or twice, but just some solid chunks of sleep and her sleeping peacefully in her crib.

Enough complaining. I have been so blessed!

I need to come to you father. I get so frustrated and just wallow in it. I pray I can turn to you more often in these times of dispair, (if you can even call them that). It's so hard, when you want to take everything under your belt, okay no... for me it's, perfect everything, and it doesn't work out that way. You feel like you've accomplished zip. I love being at home with these children, I want to be they're nuturer, teacher, boo-boo fixer, rasberry kisser, hygenist, and most of all they're mother. I want to be satisfied with the job I am doing. Not focus on how hard things are right now, and that I could really use a live-in-nanny. But just humble myself in the gifts that these two children are in my life. I need to realign my thinking.

Rowan is with me-maw and pop-pop today. So he is definately getting the much deserved attention he wants. And I am using the day to try and get ali to sleep in her crib. I am really hoping since hubby has another long weekend he will be willing to be enlisted in helping me get a sleep thing going for ali.

Celebrating Jesus's Birthday

I never wanted to go this long with not writing in my blog. But so this happens when you have kids. Things go by the way side. Everything is well. I am still adjusting to motherhood of two! God's grace is still clearly upon me. He continues to keep me sane in the insanity of my life right now.

We had such a special christmas. Especially with our precious gift this year. Our weekend was jammed packed with partys, but I like that. Being home all day seems harder with two. I crave excitement and being around others. I think hubby was a little overwhelmed but I loved it. (Not to say I wasn't overwhelmed!) Rowan could have cared less about opening gifts. And Aliana was passed around to everybody, she didn't like that so much. Rowan enjoyed everything he recieved. He didn't want to open a new gift, cause he was having so much fun with the one he just opened. We got lots of great new outfits for ali. I need to hire someone to shop for me. Cause I just cannot pick out cute stuff. Everyone else can.

Happy Birthday Jesus. I said last year I wanted to bake a birthday cake and let rowan help so he knew he was making a birthday cake for jesus. But it didn't happen. Next year, it can be our own tradition. Plus he'll be a little older.

I am feeling good. Still yearning to get into pre-maternity clothes. I have no time to excersize. Yeah well it was worth it!

I hope everyone had a wonderful christmas and if you still check my blog, I would love a comment posted on here of how yours went. And I will try to be more diligent with posting.

Oh I have to brag a little. For the last 3 days I have been getting both kids down for a nap around the same time. Well at least they're napping for an hour at the same time. Thank you God!

Sleepless but Functional

I know I need to keep up with this blog more. Not only to keep people informed of my "oh so special life". But to help me put stuff away. (aka..burdens). Ali is sleeping right now, hopefully she will remain that way for a little. Rowan went to grandmas house today. I am so thankful. He needs some one on one attention and I know grandma will be able to provide that. I just have not been able to. Everyone's telling me it's okay and rowan will just have to get used to it. But try telling him that. And I feel slightly guilty, because of the whole bedrest thing, he's had lots of time away from me already. I know this is the plan god had, and this is the way he wants it worked out. It's just hard to to watch it go by.

So when you have a baby you forget how much sleep you lose in the beginning, until you have a toddler and a baby. With your first you can nap when baby's napping, but with the second, if your toddler takes naps, then maybe you can squeeze one in, providing baby sleeps then. It's really not that bad though, I am functioning. Everytime I sit down, (when I'm breastfeeding ali), is when I feel it the most, and it's harder to get going again. Unfortunately I have had to rely on lots of tv during these times. I feel bad but rowan is becoming more and more interested in it. Which is a good thing, because I was never able to have him watch tv for more then 1 minute now he stays and watch's a couple minutes at a time, but at least he's in the room where I can watch him and he's safe. I just have to tell myself it's temporary. Any encouragement for this, or better yet, ideas on how to keep a toddler occupied for up to an hour while I am feeding ali evrey two to three hours would be much appreciated. I have a book somewhere, but I don't know where it is. It's called how to keep a toddler busy.

Neal and I have seperated sleeping quarters for the time being. He needs to be able to get sleep, so he sleeps downstairs on the couch. And ali is still co-sleeping with me in bed. Hopefully soon we will be able to get her in the crib or bassinet. Then we can resume normal sleeping. (well...somewhat normal!) Neal has just been so helpful. He really deserves an award for best husband of the year! He has been so giving of his time. His favorite thing to do is go hunting and he only got out a handful of times this year. And yet he is so willing to help me. I need it! When it's been a hard day, he comes home and will take a kid and distract them for a little. It's great.

Yet I struggle greatly with it. I see lots of friends who are constantly taking care of their kids by themsleves, or well there husbands are always out doing stuff. So I say to myself, well, they have their mothers coming over and helping out and their kids are spaced further apart. Yet I don't believe these excuses. I hope I am not taking advantage of my husband and making him a prisoner in this house? I am glad I came here today, cause I really needed to get that out.

Also ali is fussy like rowan was when he was a baby. I am hoping it is not reflux and that things resume quickly for her. Please pray that if it is reflux that we can aid her as best possible, but most of all that she doesn't have to suffer through it. I've been playing around with my diet, but it seems like nothing really makes a difference. Usually her belly hurts in the evening. Which makes an already stressed household even more stressed.

We'll get through it. His grace is still here among us. He watch's over us and he never gives us more then we can handle.

I am so delighted to have this little girl here with us, I think my ramblings are just hormones and things I needed to talk about and then trash out of my mind, so that I don't continue to carry them with me throughout the day! I will try to start writing more often.