The Fish

I forgot to mention. Rowan is consumed by only one thing that he got for christmas. A $1 yard sale item I picked up a long time ago. It's a night light and it has swimming fish on it. Isn't that crazy, yet I love it. (He's shown in the picture with it!)

Christmas

What a wonderful christmas we we're blessed with. We enjoyed each and every party we had. Starting friday night and going through christmas day. The kids did well, running from here to there, and everywhere. It was awesome seeing rowan take this in much more this year. He really got the concept and liked singing happy birthday to jesus. We gave him a book, "God gave Us You". He gets a big smile on his face when neal and I tell him how special he is to us!

Aliana loved beating the presents up. She would take them from somebody and sit on them, stand on them, and even try to jump on top of them. It was funny to watch.

One of the best things is that michael came for brunch at our house on christmas eve with my family, and he was so clear headed and well...looked really good! That was a whole gift in of itself. Thank you all for the prayers and cards. I thought this holiday was going to be hard, but it wasn't.

Neal was home helping out most of the time too, so that was great. He even potty trained rowan. He is doing so well with it, we decided to get pull-ups, and he doesn't dare get his cars wet, (the only pull-ups in his size have cars on them). But hey it's working. He's excited about all the "Good Jobs" and "I'm proud of You's" that he's getting.

But I think grandma is the most excited about this new step!

I hope you all had a wonderful christmas and would love to hear from you.

How Do You Help....

How do you help someone that doesn't want to help themselves? Coming here a little frustrated tonight. This morning a lot of drama unfolded with michael. I ended up dropping him off at his house, when I really wanted to drop him off on the doorstep of a rehab. It seems like it's been years, too many, and also another painful reminder this christmas is another without my mother. I think I have been fine with it. But then, well I don't quite know what triggered it, just feeling a little blue, but I had an exhausting day, (probably more emotionally then anything). How far do you reach out and yet how much do you set up a line, between healthy and unhealthy and serving and enabeling. Heard a great song on the way home from walmart tonight. It's from Rainchildren, called "Paper and Boxes", Wonderful song. Chorus goes a little something like this.
"I wish I could have held you that night, like i need you to hold me now."
"I wish I could have carried you, like you carry me, jesus!"

Anyway...R was invited to a gingerbread house party today, it was a lot of fun. My girlfriends took pictures. I will have to ask them for some, and post. It really was neat watching two 3 year olds, one 2, and one 1 year old trying so hard to resist the temptation of putting the candy in there mouth instead of on the house to decorate. Hubby's home this weekend, first in a long time, he doesn't know it yet, but tomorrow morning I think I might ask him if I can sleep in, at least until 7:30!! We have a birthday party for his great-great grandma tomorrow night, she'll be 96. Can you imagine, her mind's not so sharp anymore, but it wasn't too long ago, she would tell you all sorts of stories from 1930 or something. Amazing! I really hope we get blessed with more snow then ice/rain over the weekend. Okay now I'm rambling and typing funny, better get myself off to bed, before someone wakes up. Who knows mayby I could even play opossum, if someone wakes up, and hubby can tend to them, since he'll be here, and he has no plans for tomorrow. Well, at 9:00 AM there's my massage, and at 10:00 AM my pedecure, and 11:00 AM brunch in bed......YEAH RIGHT!!!
Goodnight.

Dreary Days

I thought I used to love winter, but as I get up in the years!! I think I am starting to not like it so much. The last week or so it seems like the days have just blended together. I love snow, but it's got to be a big one, not just cold and a dusting. I'll still stick with my favorite season, the good one God has awaitin for me.

Last night we had a meal with my fam and as we we're leaving we started getting phone calls on our cell phone, which seemed like from everyone and their cousins' and there cousin's cousins. They we're calling to tell us that neal's work was on fire. We had to go pick up our christmas cards so we kinda just moseyed around there for a little. And awaited more news. We then decided to drive over and all the roads we're closed but we somehow ended up getting in. I got out of the van and asked a firefighter what was going on. Then this morning neal got a phone call and they said that it was an electrical fire and that there wasn't a lot of damage. The cleaning person was there and smelled the smoke and called it in. PRAISE the Lord! If the cleaning person wasn't there they would have lost the whole building within a meatter of minutes. Because of all the oil and gas stored there. It just would have went Whoosh! So neal still has a job, just not sure when exactly he will be returning to it. As they are cleaning up and need to get the electric going. But we are so happy with the outcome.

Our pastor did a series on teenagers and all the different things they struggle with these days. It was abnoramally encouraging to me as well. This last sermon was. It was about dating. I feel hubby and I really need to start dating again. And get connected, not that we're not, but just get lost in that newness again. When you have kids, things change, everyone knows that. Some wise friend (T) gave us some fantastic advice, "treat each other as a gift".

O Christmas Tree

So the stories keep coming right now. Last friday the kids and I went to pick out our christmas tree. It has now become a tradition for us, the day after thanksgiving we go and get it, and let it sit outside until neal gets home. He will then bring it inside, with a little help from me, stand it up and put it in the tree stand. And then we decorate it.

Not so this year. A couple of weeks ago there was a lady who came to speak at our moms group at church and she told me her family sells christmas trees, and they live close to us. So I drive to their home on fri and I look and I really don't see much of a christmas tree farm. But I proceed anyway. I go to the front door and knock. There high school daughter answers the door, I ask if I may get a tree, and she replies yes I'll be right out. So I wait for her, get the kids out of the van. We walk around there property. And we start descending down a hill. There are some trees to look at. I see that they are not tagged, so I ask the prices. She explains every tree is the same price. So I thought, wow I can get a humungo tree. But I did tell rowan he could pick the tree out and he picked one out, it was not humungo tall, but very plump, and cute. So the girl hands me the saw and says here you go, and I asked, I cut this down by myself. She said Yep, I can't do it.

Picture (I wish I had one)

We're on a hill, a muddy one, because of the rain the night before. I put aliana down. She's not happy, she's super clingy right now, (teeth). She keeps trying to get up and she falls down. This makes her even more mad because she's falling in the wet mud, and getting dirty. So she's screaming, and rowan keeps putting his fingers where I am cutting at the bottome of the tree. So I finally get this thing cut down. Crooked mind you. I can't even remember if I drug it up. I am kinda thinking I asked her to. Since I had the kiddos. We get to my van and I ask if they have a netter and some string so I can tie it to the top of the van. She says no, we don't have anything like that. So I stuff the thing in my van and go home. I decided since I had gotten this far without hurting myself, that I would also bring it inside and put it in the stand. That took me a total of 3.5-4 hours to do, I could not get it straight in the stand.

I think next year we will change our tradition and have neal go get it.

The new edition to our family....

Well, at least we'll stock our freezer with the meat for the next 6 months or so. Neal bagged a big doe this morning. I am so happy for him. I told him before he left that he would get one, Now this was not a prophecy of any sort, but I felt God calling me to encourage him! I said you'll get one for the sacrifice you're making to go hunting. (That being he only went for 3 days, instead of the full week he usually goes).

Our neighbor kids came down as well to see "Jane Doe". Ha! Get it! Jane Doe!

ANYWAY.

A certain normalcy is back to the house now, I feel much safer and secure when hubby's home.

I'll have one question when I get there....

Ahh hunting season. When I get to heaven I will most likely ask why did you create deer. I mean don't we suffer enough with the curse brought upon us from eve. Why do we need to lose our husbands for 3 months, sometimes more.

No, I'm just kidding. Neal left early sunday morning to go to the cabin and will most likely be returning tomorrow night. I actually feel bad for him, cause it was so wet and miserable for him. The kids and I are doing very well. God's grace is upon me. Rowan has been super good and ali, well she's just too CUTE!!!

Funny Story: I babysat my next store neighbors 3 kids this afternoon. Ages 6,3 and 4 months. I invited them all to stay for dinner because her husband is away on a business trip, he travels quite often, (and I think I have it bad!). Anyway when they left to walk out the door they scared some birds out of the cornstalks on my porch. Well they flew into the garage and I spent about an hour trying to direct them outside. Birds are not to smart. I gave up and headed inside and one of the birds flew in the house. The kids absolutely loved this, me, not sooo much. I was thinking, I do not like being here by myself at night anyways and to have a bird flying around on top of it. No Way! So I called one of neal's good buddys who lives like 3 minutes away and asked if he could bring a net. I could not find neals. He came right over. We caught the bird in the house right away, the kids had trapped him in the shower stall. But it took much longer to get the one in the garage. I told him, lets just not worry about it. He'll eventually keel over, (the bird). But neals buddy said no, he would probably live a long while so we had to get him out, and finally we did. But boy I'll tell you, if someone was videotaping us. HaHa!!!

Happy Birthday Aliana Grace

Today we celebrate our little miracle's birthday. She is one. Oh how the time flew by. I let her open a present today. It was her very own baby. I'm trying to teach her to kiss the baby. But she pretty much just starts sucking on her face. It's cute, because she is following the command but doesn't quite understand. She had a well check up and got 3 shots, OUCH! She's also getting 4 teeth in today. Perfect timing mom!

Rowan is enjoying the presents that ali got last night at her birthday party, but keeps asking where his presents are? Everyday he suprises neal and I with something new he's learned to talk about as he explores his world. It's brought much needed laughter back into our house.

So Much Time Has Gone By....

I love blogging and want to start doing it again. I feel a wee bit embarassed that it's been so long and some of my last posts are not too encouraging for a new mother.

Congratulations Are in Order

Congrats to Tina. She will be delivering a beautiful, healthy baby girl in September. The name has been picked out already.

TJ aka tina junior.

I look forward to meeting this mellow, easy going, wanting to sleep all the time, baby, when she arrives!

Another Hospital Stay

I think they'll have to admit me to the psych ward if I have to have one more hospital stay in the next year. I realized this past one, that I hated them when I was in there all the time with my mom, and really dislike them, especially visiting them so much lately.

But praise God. Ali is doing better. I took her to the doctors friday feb 2nd and they said she had bronchitis. Then saturday overnight she took a turn for the worse. She was having trouble breathing. It was so troubling to watch. I decided to take her to the er. They said she had rsv and pnemonia. They wanted to admit her. The doctors we're concerned about the breathing retractions she was having. She was also throwaing up because of the mucus in her belly, so she wasn't keeping food down. We went up to the peds floor and they started an iv. That was one of the most awful things I ever watched. She screamed and squirmed and there was nothing I could do to help her. They wouldn't allow neal in. First the nurse got into her right hand and then the other nurse pulled it out, by accident. Arghhh! So they turned her around and started the whole process again on her left hand. I was ready to ring some necks, it's my baby of course! So anyway, they finally got it in. They started her on antibiotics, and steroids to open her lungs up, so she could breathe. They also gave her reflux meds because the steroids irriate the stomach. She did really well through all of this. I am wishing now, I would have taken pictures. She had her whole arm taped up, so she couldn't pull her iv out.

We ended up staying in until wed. So we we're in a total of 4 days. Long days. Neal was only in once, he had to keep rowan. He said whenever they would pull into the driveway, rowan would say momma, baby ali. When they got into the house, he would run up to ali's room and call for us again. But overall he did good. It affected him, grandma kept him during the day and said he was clingy. Poor guy, he has been through so much in the last year.

One good thing that came out of our hospital stay was the doctors we saw. I was very pleased with them. I took ali back for a checkup yesterday and was even happier with the choice I have made to switch. They are so caring and nurturing. When I arrived, the doctor ushered me into the room, I didn't even sit down. That's right I said the DOCTOR walked me into the room. And I had no wait. He was very open to listening to my concerns and was making ali smile. We are to continue with breathing treatments two times a day. And finish the steroids and antibiotics. She'll contnue with the reflux medicine and hopefully that will help her belly to feel better. Right now I am giving her the medicine with applesauce. I never would have thought I would do that, she's only 3 months. But she takes it pretty well. So I am happy.

Thank you all for your prayers through this past week. We are so happy she had a speedy recovery. The doctors say with babies so young it can take longer. But she did well. I am hoping we are on the road to happier times and good health.

A New Day

Today is a new day. I pretty much can forecast what it will be like. It will start out good, as the last couple mornings have, but by 10:00 AM. It will all fall apart. Ali will fight sleep and scream at me, and then rowan will get upset about this, and fuss at me. And on throughout the day this will go until; well I finally got rowan down at 10:00 and ali down around 11:30 last night.

I am guessing I have very sensitive children. And stubborn! Rowan has stopped taking good naps. He wakes up screaming after about 1 hour. He is definately being affected by all the chaos in our house right now. I am hoping to again get some one on one time with him today.

I was looking forward to seeing snow this morning, but that didn't happen. Oh well. I might be able to go out tomorrow night. My sister in law is having a bachlorette get together. I really doubt I'll be able to go. Plus I feel guilty, leaving the house such a mess, meaning the people who live in it.

Yesterday neal stayed home with me. I woke up for one of ali's feedings and got sick. I had horrible stomach cramps all morning. I am guessing round two of this bug that's going around hit me. Rowan's cough had gone away, but he's been hacking for about a half hour, so I'll assume it came back. Ali sounds terrible, she is hacking as well. Hubby says no need to call the doc, as they won't be able to do anything for her.

I am hoping things start to turn around. That we can get rid of all the sickness in our house, and that we can be rid of this time in our lives. I pray to be a stronger person and a better mother too! I am guessing I need to be more nurturing or sensitive to my childs needs to make things work. I looking forward to hubby being home this weekend, all though I can't say he feels the same way. He very much looks forward to going back to work on mondays.

Making hearts

Yesterday rowan and I made paper hearts to put up on our windows. I forgot how much fun this was. Rowan was semi interested. But I was able to get some time with him, and we we're doing an activity. Ali slept in her car seat on top of the bouncer seat, while it was vibrating, (to stimulate the motion of the car). While the oven hood fan was running. Quite a trick I have conjured up.

Had a good evening last night. She didn't scream. She spent the day doing that yesterday. I have made the decesion to call the doctors today and ask them to do a milk protein allergy test. My one friend keeps telling me that ali's inconsolable sounds alot like her daughter. I am not having much luck getting the zantac down, even though it is flavored grape, it still smells horrible. So I might ask them for something different. Rowan took prilosec and never had trouble taking it. In fact once he got older, he would open his mouth when I pulled it out of the fridge.

I think I have come to the point, where I can no longer do this, and something has to be done about it. I know everyone keeps saying you have to get through this, just ride it out. But this is just insane. How do you continue to take care of a screaming baby, and a toddler, who has now reverted to wanting to do the same, (since he hears his sister doing it), all day and night, every day and night?

Today I have the option of going to a mothers group at church. Which I really need right now, (the encoragement), but last time I tried to leave rowan in his class, he threw up. So I probably won't even try.

Not sure what I am going to do to fill the time then. I will have to mayby take a look again at my busy toddler book and see if there might be some other fun things rowan and I can do, as long as ali cooperates.

Fantastic Night

Neal returned and ali woke up when being moved from the car seat to the swing, for night time sleeping. I tried to nurse her and get her back to sleep. but she just started crying again. So I let her go. I just woke up about a half hour ago, and realized this was the first time since 11:30 last night. I asked neal if she cried herself to sleep. He answered yes. For only about 10 minutes. I can't believe I fell asleep during that.

Anyway she must have been really tuckered out. She'll probably be getting up soon. But what a huge praise. It's the first night she's slept throught the night. It was a nice break for me. Boy will she be hungry when she wakes up.

Today I am going to try to set aside more personal one on one time with rowan. I got some crafty things for us to do at walmart last night. I am hoping this starts helping with the acting out. He wants my attention constantly, and I just cannot provide it to him, with taking care of ali.

My sister-in-law is having a get together this saturday night. A bachlorette type get together. I am really hoping I can go. I need a night out. But feel really guilty about leaving hubby with both kids, especially since that is the time when ali cries inconsolably. Plus she still fights the bottle. She wanted nothing to do with it last night. We'll have to see.

"Ughh" When will it end?

Ali is currently in tow with neal on a car ride. She has just spent the last 2 hours screaming. It's just so crazy. We want to pull our hair out. How can a baby cry this much? And why can't we console her? I feel like I need to get second opinions from other doctors to make sure everything is okay.

I did call into my docs today and asked if we could try reflux medicine. I picked it up tonight. It is zantac, we never tried that with rowan. So I am curious to see how well it works. They flavored it with grape, to make it taste better. She wasn't too impressed. So we have to wait a week to see if it starts helping. She is spitting up so much. And then wanting to eat all the time, which I think exazerbates the situation.

I told docs, I just want her to not be so miserable anymore, it's been two and a half months now. Well I better go, I should try to get a couple minutes of sleep before they arrive home.

Colic?

Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

A modern day parable says that once upon a time the Lord appeared to a woman. He explained that he had work for her to do. Every day she was to push, with all her strength, against a massive rock in her yard. After years of pushing against the rock without ever moving it, she felt all her work was in vain. Sensing her discouragement, Satan decided to enter the picture. "Nothing is happening," he taunted, "Give up; it's hopeless!" The woman intended to quit but to first make it a matter of prayer."Lord, I've pushed with all my strength, but the rock has not moved." The Lord replied, "My child, you have done just as I asked. I never once mentioned that I expected you to move the rock. Look at your arms, legs and hands. They ar emush stronger now. Through opposition, you have grown. Your calling was to be obedient and to put your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done. Now, my beloved, I will help you move the rock!"

I've been blessed with some time to myself. And knew I needed to come here. I spent some time before I started blogging, looking back and reading previous blogs. I can't grasp the strong faith I had and where has it gone? I've lost complete hindsight of things. You feel like the world will just cave in around you.

But know I look back and think, it's not so bad and we're going to get through this.

Several weeks ago Ali started crying about 3-4 hours a night. People kept saying, "Oh yeah my baby was fussy in the evenings too!" But it's still going strong. And there is always a point where she just becomes inconsolable for up to an hour. So neal and I have been playing pass the baby. I took her to the doctors and they said it's colic, just deal with it. Which is quite dissapointing! A friend thought it could be allergies and another thought reflux. All I know is I just want it to end. I keep praying for it to end. I can't enjoy her. Then it dawned on me, I need to stop whining for this to end. And pray for strength to get through it. I am still a little determined about the whole reflux thing. But i am giving that up to God and letting him guide me to a decision about it.

Rowan is entering into a new stage, temper tantrums. Not sure if it's age, stress, or lack of attention from us. I still see him as my innocent little boy and then he'll throw something at me or ali and I think, what happened? I believe it is a combination of all of these things. I took him today to get fitted for a tux, he's in his aunt joy's wedding at the end of march. He looks so cute with a tux jacket on. Everyone in the store was saying how cute he is. That makes you forget the last tantrum! I am hoping and praying I can continue to be a loving and nurturing mother to him and her.

I want to stop dwelling on what I can do differently and just be in the moment and accept that I am not going to be able to always give special attention to rowan and sometimes ali will just have to scream. I am a mother not an occtopus!

Well this hasn't inspired nor encouraged anyone, but I hope everyone is well.