I have been back in bed the last two days. I got very sick on wednesday night, vomiting with horrible stomach cramps. I haven't been eating too much. Everytime I eat, the cramps come back. Hopefully it is just a 24-48 hour stomach bug and that the rest of my family does not get it. I don't want to see my precious little girl sick, not yet, she's too little.
I am looking for the magic thing to get her to sleep. I try to keep her awake while nursing and then out her in her crib while drowsy, but not asleep. And she just cries. So then I tried letting her cry for a couple minutes and then putting her back down, this just makes her even more mad. The reason I need to find a different approach is because when Rowan is here he needs attention to. I can't take an hour to two hours to try and get her to sleep while trying to occupy a toddler, it's so hard, and it's alos not fair to him. So my question is...how do I set the tone for being able to just lie her in the crib and let her self soothe herself to sleep?
And I have tried the pacifier, does not work. Well I shouldn't say it doesn't work, I can't get her to keep it.
So I was up all last night and the night before, and the night before, okay, I've been up a lot of nights since we brought her home, but I feel like we need to be getting into some routine. Early this morning, about after the 6th time of feeding her to get her back to sleep, (cause it's the only thing that works) neal came over and asked why I didn't get him. He has to go to work the next day and work with heavy machinery. I told him I want to quit breastfeeding, even though it's going great, she just wants to eat all the time, and she's so unhappy. I guess I feel like that if I see what's going into her, then I can tell myself it's okay to not feed her when I think she is hungry. And mayby formula will keep her belly fuller longer. Hubby's grandma told me at a christmas get together that she never had to get up with any of her children during the night, from the beginning. I want that, okay I don't mind once or twice, but just some solid chunks of sleep and her sleeping peacefully in her crib.
Enough complaining. I have been so blessed!
I need to come to you father. I get so frustrated and just wallow in it. I pray I can turn to you more often in these times of dispair, (if you can even call them that). It's so hard, when you want to take everything under your belt, okay no... for me it's, perfect everything, and it doesn't work out that way. You feel like you've accomplished zip. I love being at home with these children, I want to be they're nuturer, teacher, boo-boo fixer, rasberry kisser, hygenist, and most of all they're mother. I want to be satisfied with the job I am doing. Not focus on how hard things are right now, and that I could really use a live-in-nanny. But just humble myself in the gifts that these two children are in my life. I need to realign my thinking.
Rowan is with me-maw and pop-pop today. So he is definately getting the much deserved attention he wants. And I am using the day to try and get ali to sleep in her crib. I am really hoping since hubby has another long weekend he will be willing to be enlisted in helping me get a sleep thing going for ali.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Celebrating Jesus's Birthday
I never wanted to go this long with not writing in my blog. But so this happens when you have kids. Things go by the way side. Everything is well. I am still adjusting to motherhood of two! God's grace is still clearly upon me. He continues to keep me sane in the insanity of my life right now.
We had such a special christmas. Especially with our precious gift this year. Our weekend was jammed packed with partys, but I like that. Being home all day seems harder with two. I crave excitement and being around others. I think hubby was a little overwhelmed but I loved it. (Not to say I wasn't overwhelmed!) Rowan could have cared less about opening gifts. And Aliana was passed around to everybody, she didn't like that so much. Rowan enjoyed everything he recieved. He didn't want to open a new gift, cause he was having so much fun with the one he just opened. We got lots of great new outfits for ali. I need to hire someone to shop for me. Cause I just cannot pick out cute stuff. Everyone else can.
Happy Birthday Jesus. I said last year I wanted to bake a birthday cake and let rowan help so he knew he was making a birthday cake for jesus. But it didn't happen. Next year, it can be our own tradition. Plus he'll be a little older.
I am feeling good. Still yearning to get into pre-maternity clothes. I have no time to excersize. Yeah well it was worth it!
I hope everyone had a wonderful christmas and if you still check my blog, I would love a comment posted on here of how yours went. And I will try to be more diligent with posting.
Oh I have to brag a little. For the last 3 days I have been getting both kids down for a nap around the same time. Well at least they're napping for an hour at the same time. Thank you God!
We had such a special christmas. Especially with our precious gift this year. Our weekend was jammed packed with partys, but I like that. Being home all day seems harder with two. I crave excitement and being around others. I think hubby was a little overwhelmed but I loved it. (Not to say I wasn't overwhelmed!) Rowan could have cared less about opening gifts. And Aliana was passed around to everybody, she didn't like that so much. Rowan enjoyed everything he recieved. He didn't want to open a new gift, cause he was having so much fun with the one he just opened. We got lots of great new outfits for ali. I need to hire someone to shop for me. Cause I just cannot pick out cute stuff. Everyone else can.
Happy Birthday Jesus. I said last year I wanted to bake a birthday cake and let rowan help so he knew he was making a birthday cake for jesus. But it didn't happen. Next year, it can be our own tradition. Plus he'll be a little older.
I am feeling good. Still yearning to get into pre-maternity clothes. I have no time to excersize. Yeah well it was worth it!
I hope everyone had a wonderful christmas and if you still check my blog, I would love a comment posted on here of how yours went. And I will try to be more diligent with posting.
Oh I have to brag a little. For the last 3 days I have been getting both kids down for a nap around the same time. Well at least they're napping for an hour at the same time. Thank you God!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Sleepless but Functional
I know I need to keep up with this blog more. Not only to keep people informed of my "oh so special life". But to help me put stuff away. (aka..burdens). Ali is sleeping right now, hopefully she will remain that way for a little. Rowan went to grandmas house today. I am so thankful. He needs some one on one attention and I know grandma will be able to provide that. I just have not been able to. Everyone's telling me it's okay and rowan will just have to get used to it. But try telling him that. And I feel slightly guilty, because of the whole bedrest thing, he's had lots of time away from me already. I know this is the plan god had, and this is the way he wants it worked out. It's just hard to to watch it go by.
So when you have a baby you forget how much sleep you lose in the beginning, until you have a toddler and a baby. With your first you can nap when baby's napping, but with the second, if your toddler takes naps, then maybe you can squeeze one in, providing baby sleeps then. It's really not that bad though, I am functioning. Everytime I sit down, (when I'm breastfeeding ali), is when I feel it the most, and it's harder to get going again. Unfortunately I have had to rely on lots of tv during these times. I feel bad but rowan is becoming more and more interested in it. Which is a good thing, because I was never able to have him watch tv for more then 1 minute now he stays and watch's a couple minutes at a time, but at least he's in the room where I can watch him and he's safe. I just have to tell myself it's temporary. Any encouragement for this, or better yet, ideas on how to keep a toddler occupied for up to an hour while I am feeding ali evrey two to three hours would be much appreciated. I have a book somewhere, but I don't know where it is. It's called how to keep a toddler busy.
Neal and I have seperated sleeping quarters for the time being. He needs to be able to get sleep, so he sleeps downstairs on the couch. And ali is still co-sleeping with me in bed. Hopefully soon we will be able to get her in the crib or bassinet. Then we can resume normal sleeping. (well...somewhat normal!) Neal has just been so helpful. He really deserves an award for best husband of the year! He has been so giving of his time. His favorite thing to do is go hunting and he only got out a handful of times this year. And yet he is so willing to help me. I need it! When it's been a hard day, he comes home and will take a kid and distract them for a little. It's great.
Yet I struggle greatly with it. I see lots of friends who are constantly taking care of their kids by themsleves, or well there husbands are always out doing stuff. So I say to myself, well, they have their mothers coming over and helping out and their kids are spaced further apart. Yet I don't believe these excuses. I hope I am not taking advantage of my husband and making him a prisoner in this house? I am glad I came here today, cause I really needed to get that out.
Also ali is fussy like rowan was when he was a baby. I am hoping it is not reflux and that things resume quickly for her. Please pray that if it is reflux that we can aid her as best possible, but most of all that she doesn't have to suffer through it. I've been playing around with my diet, but it seems like nothing really makes a difference. Usually her belly hurts in the evening. Which makes an already stressed household even more stressed.
We'll get through it. His grace is still here among us. He watch's over us and he never gives us more then we can handle.
I am so delighted to have this little girl here with us, I think my ramblings are just hormones and things I needed to talk about and then trash out of my mind, so that I don't continue to carry them with me throughout the day! I will try to start writing more often.
So when you have a baby you forget how much sleep you lose in the beginning, until you have a toddler and a baby. With your first you can nap when baby's napping, but with the second, if your toddler takes naps, then maybe you can squeeze one in, providing baby sleeps then. It's really not that bad though, I am functioning. Everytime I sit down, (when I'm breastfeeding ali), is when I feel it the most, and it's harder to get going again. Unfortunately I have had to rely on lots of tv during these times. I feel bad but rowan is becoming more and more interested in it. Which is a good thing, because I was never able to have him watch tv for more then 1 minute now he stays and watch's a couple minutes at a time, but at least he's in the room where I can watch him and he's safe. I just have to tell myself it's temporary. Any encouragement for this, or better yet, ideas on how to keep a toddler occupied for up to an hour while I am feeding ali evrey two to three hours would be much appreciated. I have a book somewhere, but I don't know where it is. It's called how to keep a toddler busy.
Neal and I have seperated sleeping quarters for the time being. He needs to be able to get sleep, so he sleeps downstairs on the couch. And ali is still co-sleeping with me in bed. Hopefully soon we will be able to get her in the crib or bassinet. Then we can resume normal sleeping. (well...somewhat normal!) Neal has just been so helpful. He really deserves an award for best husband of the year! He has been so giving of his time. His favorite thing to do is go hunting and he only got out a handful of times this year. And yet he is so willing to help me. I need it! When it's been a hard day, he comes home and will take a kid and distract them for a little. It's great.
Yet I struggle greatly with it. I see lots of friends who are constantly taking care of their kids by themsleves, or well there husbands are always out doing stuff. So I say to myself, well, they have their mothers coming over and helping out and their kids are spaced further apart. Yet I don't believe these excuses. I hope I am not taking advantage of my husband and making him a prisoner in this house? I am glad I came here today, cause I really needed to get that out.
Also ali is fussy like rowan was when he was a baby. I am hoping it is not reflux and that things resume quickly for her. Please pray that if it is reflux that we can aid her as best possible, but most of all that she doesn't have to suffer through it. I've been playing around with my diet, but it seems like nothing really makes a difference. Usually her belly hurts in the evening. Which makes an already stressed household even more stressed.
We'll get through it. His grace is still here among us. He watch's over us and he never gives us more then we can handle.
I am so delighted to have this little girl here with us, I think my ramblings are just hormones and things I needed to talk about and then trash out of my mind, so that I don't continue to carry them with me throughout the day! I will try to start writing more often.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
At Home
Wow, it feels weird to not have blogged in so long. I felt like I did it every day. I went from having all the time on my hands to none! But that's okay, the reason is well worth it. Anyway.
Aliana Grace was born Sunday Nov. 19th at 12:21 AM. She was 6 lbs. 1 oz. and 19 1/2 inches long.
Saturday evening I got to the hospital around 8:30, after having about 3 hours of consistent, 2-3 minute apart contractions. The nurse went to get the doctor and returned with the nurse midwife. The same nurse midwife who delivered rowan, YEAH!! She checked me and I was 7 cm. Both neal and I thought oh great. This will be lengthy. We really wanted to wait as long a possible to go in. After the following weekends escapade. They took me over to labor and delivery right away. Told me to walk around. We forgot our camera, like last time with rowan, so Neal drove back home to get it. Meanwhile I scoured the halls of the hospital. It made my contractions more fierce. But not to the point where I was doubling over in pain, not saying they weren't painful, but they weren't horrible. At 10:30 neal returned and the mid-wife checked me again and said I really haven't progressed, she would like to break my water. She said it was totally safe, seeing how she already beat rowan by a couple of days. By being in the womb longer. So we said okay lets do this. So I have this picture in my head, of this huge long needle with a big long hook on it that she is going to stick in me. Not at all. Although I never saw it, neal said it is just like a crochet hook. And well....within 1-2 minutes, the contractions started coming. The mid-wife said it won't take to long and she'll be here. (So you have to remember neal and I thought we we're coming home with a baby last weekend, so we we're very optimistic about, "It won't take long")We decided to go walk around. We knew a nurse who was working in couplet care so we went over to talk to her, not for long, I wanted to get in the shower. These contractions we're getting intense. I made it to 8 and then 9 in a hurry. My L&D nurse said if I got in the hot tub she was sure I would get to ten. So I did that, at this point it was very hard for me to walk. Oh, I guess I forgot to mention, all my labor was in my back again, like with the first. I belive It's really hard with back labor because the pain never goes away. It's constant. (Where as I have heard with front labor you get them and then they go away). Not minimizing the pain of front labor, it's just a lot harder to relax with back labor, cause you literally don't get a break. Anyway, I got in the hot tub and within 5 minutes, she checked me and I was ready to push. So at this point, I started thinking oh wait what about an epidural. I went through the last 1 1/2 hours not even thinking about it, actually forgot. I mean I went into knowing I didn't want one. I had put enough drugs into my system for the last 13 weeks, I wanted to make sure she came out with at least some limbs left! And I also thought the week before when I was at 6 cm everyone kept saying it would go so fast. So I told myself I wouldn't need one. But when I got to ten. I had to push, and I kept telling them that, (I was much more verbal during this labor). So the midwife said okay jenny, this one's going to take a little longer to push out, cause she's a little bit bigger. I got into bed at 12:15 and Aliana was born 12:21. My body just went into this mode where, the pain was so intense that my brain was telling me that I needed to get rid of it. If that even makes any sense. So yes, I ONLY PUSHED FOR 6 MINUTES!!!! It really is a super birth story. I am glad this is how it ended. God was in that room with us, there was such a calmness and peace that came over that room. All the excitement and stuff that they we're finishing on me, stopped for a moment in time, (it seemed like much longer) but she was here. I just couldn't believe it, she's here, she's healthy, and what a testiment to his enduring love for us! (Okay I am crying, hormones are still raging.) But I looked at Neal and he looked just as stunned as I felt, at the fact that she was here. You know it is still hard to believe, well at 2 AM feedings it's real! No I can't complain. In fact I was nervous about the whole breasfeeding thing and it's been going well, I do ask for continued prayer for it to go well. The last time I struggled. As soon as she was born I put her up and she latched right on, and fed for an hour and a half, and then they took her to do an assesment. But everything about it was so perfect. She was happy, we we're happy, and the nurses we're even happy. They we're tabulating the pool that they did. I guess the whole l&d bet on my pushing time. I don't know who the winner was, but I vaguely remember them chatting about it.
So I guess it will be harder to find time to blog these days as I have my hands full. But once we get a schedule going, (yeah right!), I'll try to keep you all updated on this little miracle who has entered into our lives. By the grace of God. Praise him for he is worthy of it.
Thank you, thank you, thank you all, for your prayers, meals, shopping trips, and devoted support through these past 3 months. None of this would be possible without the blessings you have showered on us. God has used your gifts for our purpose and hopfully somday we can use ours to bless you.
Aliana Grace was born Sunday Nov. 19th at 12:21 AM. She was 6 lbs. 1 oz. and 19 1/2 inches long.
Saturday evening I got to the hospital around 8:30, after having about 3 hours of consistent, 2-3 minute apart contractions. The nurse went to get the doctor and returned with the nurse midwife. The same nurse midwife who delivered rowan, YEAH!! She checked me and I was 7 cm. Both neal and I thought oh great. This will be lengthy. We really wanted to wait as long a possible to go in. After the following weekends escapade. They took me over to labor and delivery right away. Told me to walk around. We forgot our camera, like last time with rowan, so Neal drove back home to get it. Meanwhile I scoured the halls of the hospital. It made my contractions more fierce. But not to the point where I was doubling over in pain, not saying they weren't painful, but they weren't horrible. At 10:30 neal returned and the mid-wife checked me again and said I really haven't progressed, she would like to break my water. She said it was totally safe, seeing how she already beat rowan by a couple of days. By being in the womb longer. So we said okay lets do this. So I have this picture in my head, of this huge long needle with a big long hook on it that she is going to stick in me. Not at all. Although I never saw it, neal said it is just like a crochet hook. And well....within 1-2 minutes, the contractions started coming. The mid-wife said it won't take to long and she'll be here. (So you have to remember neal and I thought we we're coming home with a baby last weekend, so we we're very optimistic about, "It won't take long")We decided to go walk around. We knew a nurse who was working in couplet care so we went over to talk to her, not for long, I wanted to get in the shower. These contractions we're getting intense. I made it to 8 and then 9 in a hurry. My L&D nurse said if I got in the hot tub she was sure I would get to ten. So I did that, at this point it was very hard for me to walk. Oh, I guess I forgot to mention, all my labor was in my back again, like with the first. I belive It's really hard with back labor because the pain never goes away. It's constant. (Where as I have heard with front labor you get them and then they go away). Not minimizing the pain of front labor, it's just a lot harder to relax with back labor, cause you literally don't get a break. Anyway, I got in the hot tub and within 5 minutes, she checked me and I was ready to push. So at this point, I started thinking oh wait what about an epidural. I went through the last 1 1/2 hours not even thinking about it, actually forgot. I mean I went into knowing I didn't want one. I had put enough drugs into my system for the last 13 weeks, I wanted to make sure she came out with at least some limbs left! And I also thought the week before when I was at 6 cm everyone kept saying it would go so fast. So I told myself I wouldn't need one. But when I got to ten. I had to push, and I kept telling them that, (I was much more verbal during this labor). So the midwife said okay jenny, this one's going to take a little longer to push out, cause she's a little bit bigger. I got into bed at 12:15 and Aliana was born 12:21. My body just went into this mode where, the pain was so intense that my brain was telling me that I needed to get rid of it. If that even makes any sense. So yes, I ONLY PUSHED FOR 6 MINUTES!!!! It really is a super birth story. I am glad this is how it ended. God was in that room with us, there was such a calmness and peace that came over that room. All the excitement and stuff that they we're finishing on me, stopped for a moment in time, (it seemed like much longer) but she was here. I just couldn't believe it, she's here, she's healthy, and what a testiment to his enduring love for us! (Okay I am crying, hormones are still raging.) But I looked at Neal and he looked just as stunned as I felt, at the fact that she was here. You know it is still hard to believe, well at 2 AM feedings it's real! No I can't complain. In fact I was nervous about the whole breasfeeding thing and it's been going well, I do ask for continued prayer for it to go well. The last time I struggled. As soon as she was born I put her up and she latched right on, and fed for an hour and a half, and then they took her to do an assesment. But everything about it was so perfect. She was happy, we we're happy, and the nurses we're even happy. They we're tabulating the pool that they did. I guess the whole l&d bet on my pushing time. I don't know who the winner was, but I vaguely remember them chatting about it.
So I guess it will be harder to find time to blog these days as I have my hands full. But once we get a schedule going, (yeah right!), I'll try to keep you all updated on this little miracle who has entered into our lives. By the grace of God. Praise him for he is worthy of it.
Thank you, thank you, thank you all, for your prayers, meals, shopping trips, and devoted support through these past 3 months. None of this would be possible without the blessings you have showered on us. God has used your gifts for our purpose and hopfully somday we can use ours to bless you.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Announcing: Aliana Grace
We welcomed our little miracle into this world sunday morning! We are so excited and blessed. I am so happy to finally meet her. She is very strong willed and lives up to the name God gave us.
Aliana
Bearer of Light
Ambassador of Truth
Isaiah 49:6
"I will also make you a light of the nations so that my salvation may reach to the end of the earth."
The scripture was so powerful and related so well to her very prolonged (13 week) birth story. We feel God will use her as a testimony for all that she has endured. And of course her middle name explains itself.
We are doing well. Adjusting. Neal is home with me for the next 3 days. So I am very thankful for that. I will write later on our spectacular birth story. I should probably go as sleep is very minumum right now and I must take advantage of it.
Please pray for us as we continue to adjust. And for rowan. He is doing so well, he loves his new little sister, and showers her with many kisses. I am hoping to conquer breastfeeding this time.
Aliana
Bearer of Light
Ambassador of Truth
Isaiah 49:6
"I will also make you a light of the nations so that my salvation may reach to the end of the earth."
The scripture was so powerful and related so well to her very prolonged (13 week) birth story. We feel God will use her as a testimony for all that she has endured. And of course her middle name explains itself.
We are doing well. Adjusting. Neal is home with me for the next 3 days. So I am very thankful for that. I will write later on our spectacular birth story. I should probably go as sleep is very minumum right now and I must take advantage of it.
Please pray for us as we continue to adjust. And for rowan. He is doing so well, he loves his new little sister, and showers her with many kisses. I am hoping to conquer breastfeeding this time.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
No Change
I had my doctors appointment yesterday afternoon. There is no change. I asked the mid-wife how it is possible for me to still be walking around 6 cm dialated when the doctors told me last saturday I wouldn't make it past 48 hours. She said there's no explanation for it, except that she's quite a miracle. She also noted that she's very low and pushing on my cervix, this would be why I feel like she is going to fall out!
So I cried on the way home from the doctors appointment. Realizing this day I needed windsheild wipers for my eyes and not all the rain that's been falling lately. (I've been so emotional lately!) At first I thought I was crying because I was upset that nothing has progressed. Soon to learn I was so upset at myself for actually being angry at the fact that we we're still pregnant. And that's more of what it is. I have been so blessed, we have been so blessed. I want to stay pregnant as long as we should, as long as it is his will. The doctors even make comments every time I see them, they can't believe how much we've come through and we're still pregnant. Yes secretly I want to go into labor, I am uncomfortable, and selfishly tired of being pregnant. But I will be humble where we are at, and wherever the Lord takes us.
"Take me into Your arms again let me rest in Your arms again"
"I'll be safe and secure again when You take me into Your arms again"
"As I linger in this land, I cannot help but feel the pain"
"Every time I live for me and all of the times I am to blame"
"For the piercing of Your side and the nails that cannot hide"
"All the love that You have for me, the mercy, the grace to set me free"
"Cause it is only there that I can find mercy"
"And it is only there that I can find grace"
"Only in Your arms can I know the peace and love of God"
"When I rest in the strength of Your arms"
Excerpt for the song: "Take me In"
Lyrics by: Mindy Boyd
So I replayed this and replayed this on the way home yesterday and I am so glad that it came on. I needed to be refreshed in these thoughts.
Neal keeps saying how cool would it be to have a thanksgiving baby. The idea still has not grown on me.
Neal took rowan hiking this morning. They went to check out a new spot where neal will hopefully get out deer hunting. Rowan will be taken for a ride in the backpack until he gets tried of it and then dad will let him down to walk, as long as the terrain isn't too rough. I am totally an overpacker, Rowan looked like a marshmellow before neal said anything. So I took some layers off. I wanted to make sure he stayed warm. We have a winter jacket, but it is still to big for him, but I wanted him to wear it, and neal said he was fine, which he is, but hey if your a mom you understand. I know rowan will love this little trip with daddy. And daddy will enjoy getting out!
I went christmas shopping at the mall a little before my appointment yesterday. Just in one department store, I had to find a chair to sit down5 times. I was so exhausted. But at least I am almost finished with my shopping now. It physically tired me out, I went to bed before rowan last night. Only by 30 minutes.
I think today I would like to start clearing out our spare bedroom and set it up. The painting is not going to get done before baby's arrival, so i will just have to put her in this room and later next year switch rowan and her, once the room gets painted and recarpeted. Besides I can set everything up, and maybe neal will change his mind about rowan having to have the bigger room. He thinks that since rowan was born first, he gets the senority for the bigger room. I tried to explain to him that our little girl is eventually going to need the bigger room. But there is no changing a sensenig/bauder's mind once they have they're mind set on something.
If anything changes I will post.
So I cried on the way home from the doctors appointment. Realizing this day I needed windsheild wipers for my eyes and not all the rain that's been falling lately. (I've been so emotional lately!) At first I thought I was crying because I was upset that nothing has progressed. Soon to learn I was so upset at myself for actually being angry at the fact that we we're still pregnant. And that's more of what it is. I have been so blessed, we have been so blessed. I want to stay pregnant as long as we should, as long as it is his will. The doctors even make comments every time I see them, they can't believe how much we've come through and we're still pregnant. Yes secretly I want to go into labor, I am uncomfortable, and selfishly tired of being pregnant. But I will be humble where we are at, and wherever the Lord takes us.
"Take me into Your arms again let me rest in Your arms again"
"I'll be safe and secure again when You take me into Your arms again"
"As I linger in this land, I cannot help but feel the pain"
"Every time I live for me and all of the times I am to blame"
"For the piercing of Your side and the nails that cannot hide"
"All the love that You have for me, the mercy, the grace to set me free"
"Cause it is only there that I can find mercy"
"And it is only there that I can find grace"
"Only in Your arms can I know the peace and love of God"
"When I rest in the strength of Your arms"
Excerpt for the song: "Take me In"
Lyrics by: Mindy Boyd
So I replayed this and replayed this on the way home yesterday and I am so glad that it came on. I needed to be refreshed in these thoughts.
Neal keeps saying how cool would it be to have a thanksgiving baby. The idea still has not grown on me.
Neal took rowan hiking this morning. They went to check out a new spot where neal will hopefully get out deer hunting. Rowan will be taken for a ride in the backpack until he gets tried of it and then dad will let him down to walk, as long as the terrain isn't too rough. I am totally an overpacker, Rowan looked like a marshmellow before neal said anything. So I took some layers off. I wanted to make sure he stayed warm. We have a winter jacket, but it is still to big for him, but I wanted him to wear it, and neal said he was fine, which he is, but hey if your a mom you understand. I know rowan will love this little trip with daddy. And daddy will enjoy getting out!
I went christmas shopping at the mall a little before my appointment yesterday. Just in one department store, I had to find a chair to sit down5 times. I was so exhausted. But at least I am almost finished with my shopping now. It physically tired me out, I went to bed before rowan last night. Only by 30 minutes.
I think today I would like to start clearing out our spare bedroom and set it up. The painting is not going to get done before baby's arrival, so i will just have to put her in this room and later next year switch rowan and her, once the room gets painted and recarpeted. Besides I can set everything up, and maybe neal will change his mind about rowan having to have the bigger room. He thinks that since rowan was born first, he gets the senority for the bigger room. I tried to explain to him that our little girl is eventually going to need the bigger room. But there is no changing a sensenig/bauder's mind once they have they're mind set on something.
If anything changes I will post.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Fun at the Park
Rowan was here for a little this morning. Grandma came and picked him up a few minutes ago. She's been so wonderful letting me ease back into things. I get tired fast, my energy level is not up to par yet.
Bug and I went for a walk to the park. I pushed the stroller while rowan walked beside me, well somewhat beside me. I had to keep reminding him, he needed to stay near me. He listened pretty well. I was impressed. He was so excited to be outside and going. He doesn't really like to play on the swings, sliding board, or jungle gym, he just likes to run around. Hey, he's having fun doing it. Until he ran into a picnic table, and got a big bump above his eye. We had some puppys come and visit, that made rowan very excited! Then we walked home, he rode a little in the stroller. I didn't feel to bad, but when I got home, I felt it a little more when I sat down and then tried to get back up. I am huge!
It just felt good to get out of the house, play with rowan, and feel normal again. I really needed that!
So we still wait for for our little girl to come. As soon as she makes her appearance I will be calling to let you all know.
Bug and I went for a walk to the park. I pushed the stroller while rowan walked beside me, well somewhat beside me. I had to keep reminding him, he needed to stay near me. He listened pretty well. I was impressed. He was so excited to be outside and going. He doesn't really like to play on the swings, sliding board, or jungle gym, he just likes to run around. Hey, he's having fun doing it. Until he ran into a picnic table, and got a big bump above his eye. We had some puppys come and visit, that made rowan very excited! Then we walked home, he rode a little in the stroller. I didn't feel to bad, but when I got home, I felt it a little more when I sat down and then tried to get back up. I am huge!
It just felt good to get out of the house, play with rowan, and feel normal again. I really needed that!
So we still wait for for our little girl to come. As soon as she makes her appearance I will be calling to let you all know.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Update
I had my doctors appointment this morning and they checked me again. Still 6 cm dialated and my water is still in tact. Which is good. Technically we are still preterm. Any baby born before 37 weeks is considered premature. I am starting to wonder if the doctors we're right in saying I will be 42 weeks and begging them to induce me. Before I just laughed it off and thought no way, I will go right away when I get off the medicine. But now, I am feeling like it still might be a long road.
Maybe I was expecting to much once the bedrest was up. I am not as mobile as I thought I would be. I know it will take time to get strength back but I can only do things here and there. I am very nesty, but not in full force. I'm thinking because of the meds. The doctor assures me it is out my system. But I think my uterus has been trained to stop after it starts contracting. For 12 weeks the meds told it to do that.
At least this is my new theory in trying to figure out why in the world labor would just stop and not progress any further. My mother in law did point out that I need to just relax. And I know I do. I am so tense in thinking about everything. I need to give it up, I can do that.
I have another doctors appointment friday. We'll see how that goes.
Maybe I was expecting to much once the bedrest was up. I am not as mobile as I thought I would be. I know it will take time to get strength back but I can only do things here and there. I am very nesty, but not in full force. I'm thinking because of the meds. The doctor assures me it is out my system. But I think my uterus has been trained to stop after it starts contracting. For 12 weeks the meds told it to do that.
At least this is my new theory in trying to figure out why in the world labor would just stop and not progress any further. My mother in law did point out that I need to just relax. And I know I do. I am so tense in thinking about everything. I need to give it up, I can do that.
I have another doctors appointment friday. We'll see how that goes.
Psalm 46:1-5
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though it's water roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."
"There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells."
"God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day."
"There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells."
"God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day."
Monday, November 13, 2006
36 Weeks and Tired
So we've made it through another day. I spent some of the day contracting. I tried to keep rowan by myself, but had to call my mother in law around 10:00 AM. I was so tired. He woke up at 5:00 AM so that didn't really help. It's really hard to keep after him. I get tired out easily. And then with having some strong contractions on top of it, I feel like I am not worth anything to him. He deserves to be with someone who can give him attention and can fully take care of him. Instead of switching on sesame street so I can lay down!
We are 36 weeks as of today. It's just not as exciting as all the other posts, saying we made it one more week. We defied the odds. We did. The doctor said that we are they're success case. My sister-in-law told me that 85% of patients who have been treated with mag, (we we're in the very beginning, at 24 weeks), usually deliver within a week or two. That was great news. And helped to show our special journey.
I keep getting e-mails and comments on here about how I am so strong in my faith and that if they we're going through it they would not be able to handle it as well as I have been. I have not been handling it well. The last couple of days have been so stressful. I feel I am lacking in faith and just down. I've been letting worry and fear overcome me at some times. I am so afraid that my water will break and I will not know it. And then she'll lose it in the womb and that is bad. I also want to make it to the hospital in enough time to have her there, and not here at home. I am so scared with each contraction that I am dilating more, but because the pain is not too unbearable I do not need to go. There's so much uncertainty. I have known that it's been out of my control and long ago accepted that. But the last couple of days have been trying. I guess it's okay! I feel like I just want this to be over, but yet I feel so guilty for feeling that way too. I mean we're talking about life here, it's not like I am suffering on a cross and bearing the worlds burdens. I was given life and many other things. Like my wonderful husband and a beautiful son, and another shot at carrying our little miracle to full term. Yet I complain. How conceeded.
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning at 8:45. I will be checked again. I guess to see if I have made anymore progress. I am not quite sure at this moment how I feel about it. Everyone keeps saying it'll be soon, it'll be soon. So I don't know if I want to be progressing or not. Honestly, I just want to cry out..."I want this to be over!"
I am so sorry if I sound like a child throwing a temper tantrum. Please excuse my immaturity coming out.
We are 36 weeks as of today. It's just not as exciting as all the other posts, saying we made it one more week. We defied the odds. We did. The doctor said that we are they're success case. My sister-in-law told me that 85% of patients who have been treated with mag, (we we're in the very beginning, at 24 weeks), usually deliver within a week or two. That was great news. And helped to show our special journey.
I keep getting e-mails and comments on here about how I am so strong in my faith and that if they we're going through it they would not be able to handle it as well as I have been. I have not been handling it well. The last couple of days have been so stressful. I feel I am lacking in faith and just down. I've been letting worry and fear overcome me at some times. I am so afraid that my water will break and I will not know it. And then she'll lose it in the womb and that is bad. I also want to make it to the hospital in enough time to have her there, and not here at home. I am so scared with each contraction that I am dilating more, but because the pain is not too unbearable I do not need to go. There's so much uncertainty. I have known that it's been out of my control and long ago accepted that. But the last couple of days have been trying. I guess it's okay! I feel like I just want this to be over, but yet I feel so guilty for feeling that way too. I mean we're talking about life here, it's not like I am suffering on a cross and bearing the worlds burdens. I was given life and many other things. Like my wonderful husband and a beautiful son, and another shot at carrying our little miracle to full term. Yet I complain. How conceeded.
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning at 8:45. I will be checked again. I guess to see if I have made anymore progress. I am not quite sure at this moment how I feel about it. Everyone keeps saying it'll be soon, it'll be soon. So I don't know if I want to be progressing or not. Honestly, I just want to cry out..."I want this to be over!"
I am so sorry if I sound like a child throwing a temper tantrum. Please excuse my immaturity coming out.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Impatiently and Patiently Waiting
Well I have received many a phone calls, and I am sorry it has taken me so long to update. But, the reason it took so long is we had a hospital stay over the weekend.
Friday I went to my doctors appointment. I was 4 cm dialated and told I could discontinue the medicine, (to stop the contractions), and also come off of bedrest. Okay, first HALLELUJAH!!! No more BEDREST!!!!!!!! The doctor said that I could also wait until Monday when I am 36 weeks to stop the meds.
On my way home I started contracting. Throughout friday night the contractions got more intense and more painful. So finally around 2 AM I called the nurse-midwife and she told me to come right in. We called grandma and grandpa and they got out of bed and came over, so they could stay with rowan. We got in around 3 AM and the contractions we're showing up on the monitor about every 2 to 3 minutes. The mid-wife did an exam and said I was 6 cm dialated and I earned a trip to labor and delivery, it shouldn't be long. So mentally neal and I we're preparing for the birth of our new baby. My contractions started coming in spurts, they we're actually going away for a little. So the nurses we're telling me to walk around and to take showers to try to keep things going. But some time later that morning they just stopped all together. And we're no more, except sparse one's here and there.
So neal and I we're like, okay, what do we do. So the mid-wife called the doctor on call, (who happened to be the doctor who checked me in the office friday). She asked if we discontinued the meds, I told her no, I was planning on going through till monday. I was even taking the meds through the contractions, and they still kept coming fierce. She said they don't want to be aggresive about the labor because we are 35 weeks along and really they would rather deliver her after 36 weeks. She explained that 35 weekers usually stay in nicu for a little. So they we're not going to break my water or give meds to induce labor.
So around 7:30 PM the doc and mid-wife came in and checked me and said I was still dialated at 6 cm, that I had not gone any further. Doc sat down and said you have 3 options:
1.) We can continue to wait
2.) We can do an amniocentesis (checking lung maturity, with large needle in the belly, NO way!)
3.) We can go home
She then continued to talk and thought maybe she should confer with my internal fetal medicine doctor. He is a high risk doctor who sees patients for all sorts of complications in pregnancy including preterm labor. She left the room so neal and I could make a decision. It really wasn't to hard for us. We hadn't had sleep in over 24 hours and did not like NOT laboring in the hospital. We wanted to go home. The doctor came back in and said, "Okay, I was wrong, internal fetal doc said to go ahead and break you're water, he's not to concerned considering we are only 2 days away from 36 weeks."
Whoa! It sounded good, this will finally be over. OB doc said it should go fairly quickly after they break my water. She said she would leave us alone and then they could come back in and break my water. Well....neal and I prayed and poured our hearts out to God.
"Do we take a step/leap of faith and trust in You that she will be fine. Lung maturity and weight wise with no nicu stay. Or Lord, should we continue to be patient, although we feel we have been quite patient for 12 weeks now. We don't want to carry any burdens if they're would be an issue with her health, that we made the wrong decision, and we're choosing our own selfish means and desires over the life of our baby."
AHHhhhh! Of course an answer does not come right away. The doc came back in and we told her that the first time we decided we wanted to go home and now we are indecided. She said no problem, she was really great and encouraging, without being pushy. She was going to go do some deliverys and come back and if we wanted, we could stay the night and think about it. Meanwhile grandparents call and say they we're wondering about medicine for rowan. He was congested. So neal left to go home and pick some things up for them and to pick things up at the house in case we stayed the night or longer, and would then be returning.
I tried 1-2 numbers and finally got my sister-in-law. I needed to talk to someone. I didn't neccesarily need an opinion, just someone to tell what a huge weight was dumped on us. A life altering decision. So we spoke for a little and she was so helpful by listening and not telling us what to do and praying for us. Thank you Jen! I got off with her, called neal and asked if he was leaning any which way. He said that it would be nice to get it over and done with since we're already there, but yet he didn't want to regret anything either. I told him I felt we should come home and sleep on it, rowan was settled in at grandma and pop's house and we would have our house to oursleves. He thought that was a good idea. So I called the nurse and told her we wanted to be discharged. She came in and said, "Oh, it's okay, they are going to come in and break you're water soon." I said no we had decided against that and wanted to go home. She said she would have to talk to the doc. So doc showed up, pleasantly, I felt so bad, we kept changing our minds and driving her mind nuts. But she was so sweet about it, and felt we we're making a good decision. She started the discharge papers at 8:00 PM. Our nurse had an emergency delivery and never ended up discharging us until after 10:00 PM. Neal had gotten back to the hospital and said he really felt strongly that we made the right decision. Thank you Lord Jesus for your confirmation. We talked and felt we wanted this to be as natural as possible. God would lead us. We slept very well, woke up and went and picked rowan up early this morning. He was quite happy to see us. We are so...so...so grateful to grandma and pop-pop for taking him in, and getting out of bed so late at night.
So then today I have been contracting but my water has not broken, and none of them are consistent, some of them hurt, but again, they are not consistent. So we patiently wait. She'll make her entrance soon. The docs thought in a couple days. But as you all have heard this dramatic story unfold from the beginning, (24 weeks), the Lord has it all under control.
So I know some of you are wondering why all of a sudden would I just stop and why would docs send me home so far dialated? First we and them don't know why we stopped labor or progression. And I think they have a lot of compassion and understanding that I've spent some time in the hospital already and that if I wanted to finish laboring at home, I could. With discharge instructions of, make it here quite quickly if you're water breaks!
I am nervous yet humble. Is that even possible? I don't want to have baby at home, but obviously the Lord has us covered if we do. What is so amazing is I could worry about every detail and be calling into doc and making trips in, but I feel I'll know because he'll let us know.
One awesome thing. During our hospital stay, we got the same nurse who delivered rowan. How cool would that have been. She was very excited. She knew my brother and is from our area. You never know, it could happen again, that we get her when we go in for the real thing. Whenever that will be?
And as I am still in the season of recieving. I would like to ask for your prayers that all goes well and as natural as possible. I am not looking for a perfect birth but just one with less complications then the beginning of our journey. I am feeling like there's always one more thing to add to this birth story.
Friday I went to my doctors appointment. I was 4 cm dialated and told I could discontinue the medicine, (to stop the contractions), and also come off of bedrest. Okay, first HALLELUJAH!!! No more BEDREST!!!!!!!! The doctor said that I could also wait until Monday when I am 36 weeks to stop the meds.
On my way home I started contracting. Throughout friday night the contractions got more intense and more painful. So finally around 2 AM I called the nurse-midwife and she told me to come right in. We called grandma and grandpa and they got out of bed and came over, so they could stay with rowan. We got in around 3 AM and the contractions we're showing up on the monitor about every 2 to 3 minutes. The mid-wife did an exam and said I was 6 cm dialated and I earned a trip to labor and delivery, it shouldn't be long. So mentally neal and I we're preparing for the birth of our new baby. My contractions started coming in spurts, they we're actually going away for a little. So the nurses we're telling me to walk around and to take showers to try to keep things going. But some time later that morning they just stopped all together. And we're no more, except sparse one's here and there.
So neal and I we're like, okay, what do we do. So the mid-wife called the doctor on call, (who happened to be the doctor who checked me in the office friday). She asked if we discontinued the meds, I told her no, I was planning on going through till monday. I was even taking the meds through the contractions, and they still kept coming fierce. She said they don't want to be aggresive about the labor because we are 35 weeks along and really they would rather deliver her after 36 weeks. She explained that 35 weekers usually stay in nicu for a little. So they we're not going to break my water or give meds to induce labor.
So around 7:30 PM the doc and mid-wife came in and checked me and said I was still dialated at 6 cm, that I had not gone any further. Doc sat down and said you have 3 options:
1.) We can continue to wait
2.) We can do an amniocentesis (checking lung maturity, with large needle in the belly, NO way!)
3.) We can go home
She then continued to talk and thought maybe she should confer with my internal fetal medicine doctor. He is a high risk doctor who sees patients for all sorts of complications in pregnancy including preterm labor. She left the room so neal and I could make a decision. It really wasn't to hard for us. We hadn't had sleep in over 24 hours and did not like NOT laboring in the hospital. We wanted to go home. The doctor came back in and said, "Okay, I was wrong, internal fetal doc said to go ahead and break you're water, he's not to concerned considering we are only 2 days away from 36 weeks."
Whoa! It sounded good, this will finally be over. OB doc said it should go fairly quickly after they break my water. She said she would leave us alone and then they could come back in and break my water. Well....neal and I prayed and poured our hearts out to God.
"Do we take a step/leap of faith and trust in You that she will be fine. Lung maturity and weight wise with no nicu stay. Or Lord, should we continue to be patient, although we feel we have been quite patient for 12 weeks now. We don't want to carry any burdens if they're would be an issue with her health, that we made the wrong decision, and we're choosing our own selfish means and desires over the life of our baby."
AHHhhhh! Of course an answer does not come right away. The doc came back in and we told her that the first time we decided we wanted to go home and now we are indecided. She said no problem, she was really great and encouraging, without being pushy. She was going to go do some deliverys and come back and if we wanted, we could stay the night and think about it. Meanwhile grandparents call and say they we're wondering about medicine for rowan. He was congested. So neal left to go home and pick some things up for them and to pick things up at the house in case we stayed the night or longer, and would then be returning.
I tried 1-2 numbers and finally got my sister-in-law. I needed to talk to someone. I didn't neccesarily need an opinion, just someone to tell what a huge weight was dumped on us. A life altering decision. So we spoke for a little and she was so helpful by listening and not telling us what to do and praying for us. Thank you Jen! I got off with her, called neal and asked if he was leaning any which way. He said that it would be nice to get it over and done with since we're already there, but yet he didn't want to regret anything either. I told him I felt we should come home and sleep on it, rowan was settled in at grandma and pop's house and we would have our house to oursleves. He thought that was a good idea. So I called the nurse and told her we wanted to be discharged. She came in and said, "Oh, it's okay, they are going to come in and break you're water soon." I said no we had decided against that and wanted to go home. She said she would have to talk to the doc. So doc showed up, pleasantly, I felt so bad, we kept changing our minds and driving her mind nuts. But she was so sweet about it, and felt we we're making a good decision. She started the discharge papers at 8:00 PM. Our nurse had an emergency delivery and never ended up discharging us until after 10:00 PM. Neal had gotten back to the hospital and said he really felt strongly that we made the right decision. Thank you Lord Jesus for your confirmation. We talked and felt we wanted this to be as natural as possible. God would lead us. We slept very well, woke up and went and picked rowan up early this morning. He was quite happy to see us. We are so...so...so grateful to grandma and pop-pop for taking him in, and getting out of bed so late at night.
So then today I have been contracting but my water has not broken, and none of them are consistent, some of them hurt, but again, they are not consistent. So we patiently wait. She'll make her entrance soon. The docs thought in a couple days. But as you all have heard this dramatic story unfold from the beginning, (24 weeks), the Lord has it all under control.
So I know some of you are wondering why all of a sudden would I just stop and why would docs send me home so far dialated? First we and them don't know why we stopped labor or progression. And I think they have a lot of compassion and understanding that I've spent some time in the hospital already and that if I wanted to finish laboring at home, I could. With discharge instructions of, make it here quite quickly if you're water breaks!
I am nervous yet humble. Is that even possible? I don't want to have baby at home, but obviously the Lord has us covered if we do. What is so amazing is I could worry about every detail and be calling into doc and making trips in, but I feel I'll know because he'll let us know.
One awesome thing. During our hospital stay, we got the same nurse who delivered rowan. How cool would that have been. She was very excited. She knew my brother and is from our area. You never know, it could happen again, that we get her when we go in for the real thing. Whenever that will be?
And as I am still in the season of recieving. I would like to ask for your prayers that all goes well and as natural as possible. I am not looking for a perfect birth but just one with less complications then the beginning of our journey. I am feeling like there's always one more thing to add to this birth story.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Happy Birthday KiKi!
Today is my sisters birthday. I warmly think of her and pray she truly revels in the celebration of her life today.
1 Corinthians 2: 10-12
"God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man, except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not recieved the Spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us."
1 Corinthians 2: 10-12
"God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man, except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not recieved the Spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us."
Today is a Big day
Psalm 40:1-3
"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet upon a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth of Praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
How true this is of our Lord Jesus. I must remember that he is our Father and he takes care of us. No matter what we do, he still loves us, and will never leave us!
So today is a long awaited day. I am beginning to think I have my own little personal fan club who have also been awaiting this day. Thank You! My appointment is at 2:50 PM, which starts with an NST and then seeing the doctor, but usually that takes a little while. I am praying that the Lord's will is met through this meeting, he is the ultimate decider of what goes down. And as much as you all know how I want to control it, I will submit to what he lays before us. (Just with less bedrest!)
Wednesday, Mary and olivia brought us dinner. There we're fajitas wrapped up with beef and some sauce. It was good, and neal really loved it. He doesn't get mexican hardly ever, because of rowan and I suffering from reflux, it bothers us. Thank you for running out in the rain. I hope Livi is feeling better.
Yesterday Alison and her son andrew came to visit. We used to work together at Sight and Sound. They are doing well. She said once a week she started having mommy time, she goes and rides a horse for someone. How awesome is that! I will have to checkmark that as something I need to start doing for myself. Especially the horse riding part.
Today Trish and Jadon will be visiting. It'll be nice to have their company before the doc's visit, that way I am not sitting here all day thinking about it. She will probably bring a treat, like she always does. When she is feeling better I will have to return the favor. It's been like having my own personal delivery service. Once a week she comes and drops off a pregnancy craving, it doesn't get much better then that!
Last night I sat rowan on three or maybe it was more, timeouts. That takes dedication. You have to sit and hold him the whole time while he struggles and cries to get away. We sit for a minute, my sister-in-law told me they sit on timouts for the amount of minutes of there age. So, for rowan, it is 1 minute. But I am thinking I might start making it a little longer. It just doesn't seem like a minute is long enough. I thought when they stop crying and understand is when you are supposed to let them up? Each time, especially when he gets mad on timeouts I tell him how much I love him, and daddy loves him, and how we want him to obey, so I don't get so frustrated. I know it probably sounds and would look stupid, but it works. He'll calm down and then I make him give me a hug and tell him that mommy accepts his appology. Then we get up and play with something until the next time, well at least it seemed that way last night. He was really throwing temper tantrums. I am wondering if he senses my frustration and anxiousness, with wanting to come off the meds and bedrest? We'll see how this continues.
He is also sick right now, poor bug! He's been awakening at night because he gets so stuffy and congested. Neal goes to him, but maybe after today I will be able to. Although, I did cheat the other night, (stop throwing rocks!) I went to him and got him out of the crib, and I sat on the rocker with him. I realized I cannot hold him, there is a huge belly in the way. Well, I tried to put him off to the side and then baby girl started kicking him, and he actually felt it and got annoyed. So then I decided I was going to try something new. I put him back in the crib, and sat beside it on the floor. He cried for what seemed like eternity, but it wasn't even 10 minutes. He layed down and was almost asleep, so this was working, and neal came in and said you shouldn't be sitting on the floor, and rowan got back up and started all over again. I understand neal's concern, but it almost worked. Anyway it helped me figure out that he just wanted the comfort of knowing someone was there. And with everything he's been through the last couple of months, I wanted to provide that for him!
Well, hopefully the next time I blog, which will probably be tonight, I'll have a update that will be happy.
"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet upon a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth of Praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
How true this is of our Lord Jesus. I must remember that he is our Father and he takes care of us. No matter what we do, he still loves us, and will never leave us!
So today is a long awaited day. I am beginning to think I have my own little personal fan club who have also been awaiting this day. Thank You! My appointment is at 2:50 PM, which starts with an NST and then seeing the doctor, but usually that takes a little while. I am praying that the Lord's will is met through this meeting, he is the ultimate decider of what goes down. And as much as you all know how I want to control it, I will submit to what he lays before us. (Just with less bedrest!)
Wednesday, Mary and olivia brought us dinner. There we're fajitas wrapped up with beef and some sauce. It was good, and neal really loved it. He doesn't get mexican hardly ever, because of rowan and I suffering from reflux, it bothers us. Thank you for running out in the rain. I hope Livi is feeling better.
Yesterday Alison and her son andrew came to visit. We used to work together at Sight and Sound. They are doing well. She said once a week she started having mommy time, she goes and rides a horse for someone. How awesome is that! I will have to checkmark that as something I need to start doing for myself. Especially the horse riding part.
Today Trish and Jadon will be visiting. It'll be nice to have their company before the doc's visit, that way I am not sitting here all day thinking about it. She will probably bring a treat, like she always does. When she is feeling better I will have to return the favor. It's been like having my own personal delivery service. Once a week she comes and drops off a pregnancy craving, it doesn't get much better then that!
Last night I sat rowan on three or maybe it was more, timeouts. That takes dedication. You have to sit and hold him the whole time while he struggles and cries to get away. We sit for a minute, my sister-in-law told me they sit on timouts for the amount of minutes of there age. So, for rowan, it is 1 minute. But I am thinking I might start making it a little longer. It just doesn't seem like a minute is long enough. I thought when they stop crying and understand is when you are supposed to let them up? Each time, especially when he gets mad on timeouts I tell him how much I love him, and daddy loves him, and how we want him to obey, so I don't get so frustrated. I know it probably sounds and would look stupid, but it works. He'll calm down and then I make him give me a hug and tell him that mommy accepts his appology. Then we get up and play with something until the next time, well at least it seemed that way last night. He was really throwing temper tantrums. I am wondering if he senses my frustration and anxiousness, with wanting to come off the meds and bedrest? We'll see how this continues.
He is also sick right now, poor bug! He's been awakening at night because he gets so stuffy and congested. Neal goes to him, but maybe after today I will be able to. Although, I did cheat the other night, (stop throwing rocks!) I went to him and got him out of the crib, and I sat on the rocker with him. I realized I cannot hold him, there is a huge belly in the way. Well, I tried to put him off to the side and then baby girl started kicking him, and he actually felt it and got annoyed. So then I decided I was going to try something new. I put him back in the crib, and sat beside it on the floor. He cried for what seemed like eternity, but it wasn't even 10 minutes. He layed down and was almost asleep, so this was working, and neal came in and said you shouldn't be sitting on the floor, and rowan got back up and started all over again. I understand neal's concern, but it almost worked. Anyway it helped me figure out that he just wanted the comfort of knowing someone was there. And with everything he's been through the last couple of months, I wanted to provide that for him!
Well, hopefully the next time I blog, which will probably be tonight, I'll have a update that will be happy.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Online Shopping
I decided over the summer that with having a baby in December, (at least we thought that's when she would arrive), I was going to do all my christmas shopping online. And then I went on bedrest, and it made even more sense, since I have the extra time. For the last two weeks I have been looking around websites trying to shop. I just cannot bring myself to do it. I find the item, it might even be a good deal, but then I can't bring myself to purchase it. I think to myself, I want to actually see it and touch it, and you also have to pay for shipping. Which I guess the gas you use till you get to the store, would equal out. Plus I won't have any unhappy kids in the store with me. Yet, I can't bring myself to click the "proceed to checkout" button. Any suggestions?
Last night our friends tim and becky came to cook us supper and they stayed and ate with us. It was nice for neal and I to be able to have grownup conversation with another couple. We haven't had that in a while. They stayed a good bit after munchkin went to bed so we didn't have any interuptions. That was super nice!
Well...is anyone else counting down with me? I have two days until I go the doctor and possibly get off the medicine. Possibly. I am hoping that the doc will also lessen my bedrest restrictions so I can try to build some energy up before I am supposed to have the baby. I keep wondering as lazy as I have been for the last 11 weeks, how am I to deliver a baby? I really do not want to have a c-section. My visiting nurse was here yesterday and she said that I will go quickly after they stop the meds.
We shall wait PATIENTLY and see!
Last night our friends tim and becky came to cook us supper and they stayed and ate with us. It was nice for neal and I to be able to have grownup conversation with another couple. We haven't had that in a while. They stayed a good bit after munchkin went to bed so we didn't have any interuptions. That was super nice!
Well...is anyone else counting down with me? I have two days until I go the doctor and possibly get off the medicine. Possibly. I am hoping that the doc will also lessen my bedrest restrictions so I can try to build some energy up before I am supposed to have the baby. I keep wondering as lazy as I have been for the last 11 weeks, how am I to deliver a baby? I really do not want to have a c-section. My visiting nurse was here yesterday and she said that I will go quickly after they stop the meds.
We shall wait PATIENTLY and see!
Monday, November 06, 2006
35 Weeks and a BIG Announcement
Someone asked me last week, "So I guess you never expected to make it this far?" And I responded yes, with no hesitation. I think I caught them off guard. And then after I ended the phone call, I thought to myself, boy, I was really confident in answering that. I didn't even think twice. Although we did not understand God's plan, we knew he was with us, and we wholehearteldy trusted him. So here we are. Still pregnant at 35 weeks. And we've had no problems, well except, at times, a very jumpy and jittery mother to be!
I am feeling some contractions today, I overdid it though. So it is truly my fault. This afternoon neal wanted to finish raking the leaves so I was outside playing with rowan. I didn't really have to run after him a lot but getting up and down and some chasing aggrevated things. So I will be doing much resting tomorrow. Pretty much laying around all day.
This morning tina and owen came by to visit. It was nice because rowan was home, and I was getting tired fast. The boys we're able to play together, well rowan sat and watched owen play. He likes to take it all in. But still I didn't have to do too much so it made it very nice. Thanks to tina for traveling the whole way from strasburg, while sick.
She brought me some old Real Simple magazines. I looked through one of them. I think I really like these magazines. They have some practical ideas for every day living. The perfume stench is a little overwhelming. I dislike ads, especially smelly ones. I should ask for a subscription for christmas or try to find a website where the subscription is cheap.
A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!
The burkholders are pregnant with there second child. We are so excited for them. Trish is already a fantastic mother and I know that jadon will be a wonderful little helper to her. He will be just shy of 3 years old. Pray they will have a good pregnany. She's been feeling a little sick and picky about food. Yet she still comes and cooks me lunch once a week. And brings me special treats! That's dedication.
We might have the newest edition to our family by this time next week!
I am feeling some contractions today, I overdid it though. So it is truly my fault. This afternoon neal wanted to finish raking the leaves so I was outside playing with rowan. I didn't really have to run after him a lot but getting up and down and some chasing aggrevated things. So I will be doing much resting tomorrow. Pretty much laying around all day.
This morning tina and owen came by to visit. It was nice because rowan was home, and I was getting tired fast. The boys we're able to play together, well rowan sat and watched owen play. He likes to take it all in. But still I didn't have to do too much so it made it very nice. Thanks to tina for traveling the whole way from strasburg, while sick.
She brought me some old Real Simple magazines. I looked through one of them. I think I really like these magazines. They have some practical ideas for every day living. The perfume stench is a little overwhelming. I dislike ads, especially smelly ones. I should ask for a subscription for christmas or try to find a website where the subscription is cheap.
A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!
The burkholders are pregnant with there second child. We are so excited for them. Trish is already a fantastic mother and I know that jadon will be a wonderful little helper to her. He will be just shy of 3 years old. Pray they will have a good pregnany. She's been feeling a little sick and picky about food. Yet she still comes and cooks me lunch once a week. And brings me special treats! That's dedication.
We might have the newest edition to our family by this time next week!
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Confusion
Yesterday I had a doctors appointment. I showed up at my regular time, (1:50 PM) and regular day, (friday). The woman at the front desk said she didn't have me on the schedule. I told her what doctor I was seeing and she said that this doctor wasn't in today.
What?
Here the girl who checked me out last week made my appoinment for thursday, she wrote it in my book that way too. But I remember telling her I come every friday and Nov. 3rd is what we openly discussed. It is my fault for not looking at my booklet to make sure everything was okay. I went on assuming since for the past 6 weeks I've come every friday and so that was how it was this week. Even so, they we're able to squeeze me in about an hour later. I didn't mind the wait at first, but then the doctor was very short and rushed out because he had someone else who was in labor with twins in the next room. Which I do understand this too, if I was that woman I would want prompt attention! I just had some questions I wanted answers too. But as my mother in law helped me to see, maybe it was good to not have discussed the burning questions I had. When do I get to stop the stopping of my preterm labor. We really only have 1 1/2 more weeks, then we're 36 weeks and very safe!
Baby looked fine on the monitors, and no contractions picked up.
Today Neal and I attempted to do some 18 month pictures for Rowan. He was not into it at all. We really didn't get any good ones. If I ever figure out how to shrink pictures to get them on here I'll post one that turned out okay. It looks like a little spitting image of Rob, (my brother). I will be making an appoinment at JCPenneys, we have some cheap coupons.
Tomorrows church, and I am looking forward to the outing!
What?
Here the girl who checked me out last week made my appoinment for thursday, she wrote it in my book that way too. But I remember telling her I come every friday and Nov. 3rd is what we openly discussed. It is my fault for not looking at my booklet to make sure everything was okay. I went on assuming since for the past 6 weeks I've come every friday and so that was how it was this week. Even so, they we're able to squeeze me in about an hour later. I didn't mind the wait at first, but then the doctor was very short and rushed out because he had someone else who was in labor with twins in the next room. Which I do understand this too, if I was that woman I would want prompt attention! I just had some questions I wanted answers too. But as my mother in law helped me to see, maybe it was good to not have discussed the burning questions I had. When do I get to stop the stopping of my preterm labor. We really only have 1 1/2 more weeks, then we're 36 weeks and very safe!
Baby looked fine on the monitors, and no contractions picked up.
Today Neal and I attempted to do some 18 month pictures for Rowan. He was not into it at all. We really didn't get any good ones. If I ever figure out how to shrink pictures to get them on here I'll post one that turned out okay. It looks like a little spitting image of Rob, (my brother). I will be making an appoinment at JCPenneys, we have some cheap coupons.
Tomorrows church, and I am looking forward to the outing!
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Hobbits Feet
Last night went well. Rowan had his 18 month well check-up. He got the first dose of his flu shot. He did very well. Neal held him while they administered it. It was really nice to not be the villian in the doctors office for once. Neal gave him to me and he calmed down quite quickly. He did not like the visit though. He cried everytime the nurse or doctor came in the room, but would stop when they left. I am hoping this is a stage and he will grow out of it. It was hard to ask the doctor questions over a crying child.
A big praise was that the doctor does not see anything wrong with his feet. He said he does turn them in and walk on the insides of his feet, but it's not anything that warrants any special shoes or a procedure. The doc also mentioned that his hips are a little lose and have more motion then other kids. It's not affecting anything though. I think I will still purchase hi-top shoes to help give him a little more support so he does not trip so often. And to top the evening off they gave him a sticker with a truck on it!
So while we're on the subject of feet, you're probably wondering why this is titled "Hobbits Feet"? I have started gaining fluid so my feet have pretty much been swollen for a couple of days. And I said this during my pregnancy with rowan. My feet look like Frodo or Sam's from The Lord of the Rings. Minus the hair, ewww!
The last week before I went into labor with rowan I swelled up like a elephant. So I am wondering if my body's doing the same thing again. The swelling has been consitent for a couple of days. I will ask the doctor tomorrow. Also praying the ob will take me off the meds, as long as it is safe!
Today trish and jadon are coming to visit and they will be making me lunch. Jadon loves to come and play with rowan's trucks, and trish and I get some gal time to gab.
A big praise was that the doctor does not see anything wrong with his feet. He said he does turn them in and walk on the insides of his feet, but it's not anything that warrants any special shoes or a procedure. The doc also mentioned that his hips are a little lose and have more motion then other kids. It's not affecting anything though. I think I will still purchase hi-top shoes to help give him a little more support so he does not trip so often. And to top the evening off they gave him a sticker with a truck on it!
So while we're on the subject of feet, you're probably wondering why this is titled "Hobbits Feet"? I have started gaining fluid so my feet have pretty much been swollen for a couple of days. And I said this during my pregnancy with rowan. My feet look like Frodo or Sam's from The Lord of the Rings. Minus the hair, ewww!
The last week before I went into labor with rowan I swelled up like a elephant. So I am wondering if my body's doing the same thing again. The swelling has been consitent for a couple of days. I will ask the doctor tomorrow. Also praying the ob will take me off the meds, as long as it is safe!
Today trish and jadon are coming to visit and they will be making me lunch. Jadon loves to come and play with rowan's trucks, and trish and I get some gal time to gab.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Resisting Temptation
Look, I have been so obedient for, (drum roll please) 10 WEEKS!!!
All I want to do is clean a little. Just a little! I'm the one who sits in the house all day looking at all the things that could be vacuumed, mopped, or dusted. I mean the dust and I literally have staring contests. Just Kidding! But the urge is becoming more and more insationable. I think that I might just give in. I know I shouldn't. I am understanding the whole toddlerhood thing more. You know when you tell them no and then you tell them no again, they do it anyway. What a bad example I will be setting. Hopefully I will get an OK from the doctor this week.
Rowan has his 18 month well-checkup tomorrow evening. There are no shots involved. Except if the doctor decides he should have the flu shot. I am only going to bring it up in case we have a preemie at home, she will be more susceptable to germs and illness. I've also been waiting to ask the doctor about rowans feet. He is pigeon-toed like I was when I was little. And I am wondering what we can do to help him with it. He does trip a lot, I thought he just got my doplic genes. I am pretty sure I had to wear hi-top shoes for a little while. So that wouldn't be so bad. It will also be nice to have neal along for the visit, so he can see what goes on and listen to recomendations the doctor might have about things. Oh, I also wanted to know if we should have him on any supplements/vitamins.
The visiting nurse was here this morning, and said hopefully she won't be seeing me again. She really understands what a woman goes through when there on bedrest. She gave me some great advice. "Just know that after the baby comes you are not going to be as strong, because of the bedrest, so cut yourself some slack." I needed to hear that, because I will try to be supermom. With knowing that I am off bedrest and two to take care of. At least we all know neal will have a great appreciation for it!
So anyway, I will try really, really hard to hold off from these urges I am having to do stuff. Honestly, I have been good thus far. Maybe I am nesty? No matter how you see it, at some point I will succumb to it, sorry Lord!
All I want to do is clean a little. Just a little! I'm the one who sits in the house all day looking at all the things that could be vacuumed, mopped, or dusted. I mean the dust and I literally have staring contests. Just Kidding! But the urge is becoming more and more insationable. I think that I might just give in. I know I shouldn't. I am understanding the whole toddlerhood thing more. You know when you tell them no and then you tell them no again, they do it anyway. What a bad example I will be setting. Hopefully I will get an OK from the doctor this week.
Rowan has his 18 month well-checkup tomorrow evening. There are no shots involved. Except if the doctor decides he should have the flu shot. I am only going to bring it up in case we have a preemie at home, she will be more susceptable to germs and illness. I've also been waiting to ask the doctor about rowans feet. He is pigeon-toed like I was when I was little. And I am wondering what we can do to help him with it. He does trip a lot, I thought he just got my doplic genes. I am pretty sure I had to wear hi-top shoes for a little while. So that wouldn't be so bad. It will also be nice to have neal along for the visit, so he can see what goes on and listen to recomendations the doctor might have about things. Oh, I also wanted to know if we should have him on any supplements/vitamins.
The visiting nurse was here this morning, and said hopefully she won't be seeing me again. She really understands what a woman goes through when there on bedrest. She gave me some great advice. "Just know that after the baby comes you are not going to be as strong, because of the bedrest, so cut yourself some slack." I needed to hear that, because I will try to be supermom. With knowing that I am off bedrest and two to take care of. At least we all know neal will have a great appreciation for it!
So anyway, I will try really, really hard to hold off from these urges I am having to do stuff. Honestly, I have been good thus far. Maybe I am nesty? No matter how you see it, at some point I will succumb to it, sorry Lord!
Monday, October 30, 2006
34 Weeks
Deuteronomy 32:4
"He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who who does no wrong, upright and just is he"
WooHoo! We are officially 10 weeks further then when we started. Isn't it amazing!? Two more weeks and I will go off the medicine and at that point, we will wait, patiently. From what I have heard, I might not be waiting too long.
Last week I received a package in the mail. It said, "Pajama-gram, someone wants to pamper you." Neal handed it to me and said, "It wasn't me!" I laughed. I opened the box and here it was a pair of pajamas with a note stating, "Hope these will be comfy while you are on bedrest." I thought that was such a neat idea. My step-mother, charnelle sent them to me. I will have to wait for hubby to wash them and then I can wear them. When we had rowan, charnelle got us this edible fruit basket. It was a ceramic bear with kabob sticks coming out of it. And there was a colorful arrangement of fruit on the sticks. She has come up with wonderful gifts. Thanks charnelle.
Also last week rowan and I got our haircut. I have a mommy-do. And rowan's locks we're cut off once again. Don't worry it will grow back quickly. I told neal I feel so bad for him that he has been cursed with my nappy hair.
So did anyone else's kids not get the memo? We turned the clocks back so you get to sleep in and extra hour. Rowan missed it or ignored it. He was up around 5:30 AM sunday. I am just hoping and praying that little o-man got the memo and that he is set on schedule for not waking up at 4:30 AM, every morning! And letting his mother sleep in until at least 6:30-7:00 AM. She needs it and deserves it after months of these early awakenings. You know O, 8:00 AM or after wouldn't be so bad either. Just a hint!
"He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who who does no wrong, upright and just is he"
WooHoo! We are officially 10 weeks further then when we started. Isn't it amazing!? Two more weeks and I will go off the medicine and at that point, we will wait, patiently. From what I have heard, I might not be waiting too long.
Last week I received a package in the mail. It said, "Pajama-gram, someone wants to pamper you." Neal handed it to me and said, "It wasn't me!" I laughed. I opened the box and here it was a pair of pajamas with a note stating, "Hope these will be comfy while you are on bedrest." I thought that was such a neat idea. My step-mother, charnelle sent them to me. I will have to wait for hubby to wash them and then I can wear them. When we had rowan, charnelle got us this edible fruit basket. It was a ceramic bear with kabob sticks coming out of it. And there was a colorful arrangement of fruit on the sticks. She has come up with wonderful gifts. Thanks charnelle.
Also last week rowan and I got our haircut. I have a mommy-do. And rowan's locks we're cut off once again. Don't worry it will grow back quickly. I told neal I feel so bad for him that he has been cursed with my nappy hair.
So did anyone else's kids not get the memo? We turned the clocks back so you get to sleep in and extra hour. Rowan missed it or ignored it. He was up around 5:30 AM sunday. I am just hoping and praying that little o-man got the memo and that he is set on schedule for not waking up at 4:30 AM, every morning! And letting his mother sleep in until at least 6:30-7:00 AM. She needs it and deserves it after months of these early awakenings. You know O, 8:00 AM or after wouldn't be so bad either. Just a hint!
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Costco and Church
Boy, that would be a good combo in heaven. He! Yesterday I made a trip to costco with neal and rowan. I drove around on one of there scooters. It was so great to go shopping. I haven't been shopping in over 2 months. You cannot deprive a woman from going shopping that long. Of course it was for household stuff, but hey...it was shopping.
Then today was our first official sunday back to church. As soon as I walked in, (neal dropped me off at the door of course) I was attacked by two people saying, "Hey you shouldn't be walking!" I pointed to a chair and said I am going to park myself there until the family comes in. And I did just that. Some people came over to see how things were going which was very sweet. We made it inside the sanctuary and it felt so good to be in the house of the lord again.
Great things happened:
1) rowan stayed in his class the whole time
2) the sermon was phenomenal and really applied to us
"The ways of god!"
God's ways are always righteous, loving, and redemptive!
God's ways don't always make sense.
God's ways usually involve our participation
God offends our minds to reveal our hearts!
John Wimber
3) The worship was so touching to me. We sang a song, you're love is amazing. And I was so happy, (I cried) because I was able to focus so much on what god has done for us. And how he truly loves us, he loves me, I am worthy to him, he sent his son to die on the cross for me. And for our little girl, and she doesn't even exist in our world yet. I've been trying to wrap my mind around that. Things haven't made sense but yet we are humble with that. I was so glad to get out. It really lifted my spirits.
Neal took a drive down to dairy queen. I am convinced he gets pregnancy cravings. I didn't really want anything and he was still going to go. Well...I couldn't refuse a sweet treat, so he should be returning soon with a blizzard. He took a cooler and ice packs, so it is still frozen when he gets back. Sorry ladies, he's taken!
Psalm 145:17
"The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made."
Then today was our first official sunday back to church. As soon as I walked in, (neal dropped me off at the door of course) I was attacked by two people saying, "Hey you shouldn't be walking!" I pointed to a chair and said I am going to park myself there until the family comes in. And I did just that. Some people came over to see how things were going which was very sweet. We made it inside the sanctuary and it felt so good to be in the house of the lord again.
Great things happened:
1) rowan stayed in his class the whole time
2) the sermon was phenomenal and really applied to us
"The ways of god!"
God's ways are always righteous, loving, and redemptive!
God's ways don't always make sense.
God's ways usually involve our participation
God offends our minds to reveal our hearts!
John Wimber
3) The worship was so touching to me. We sang a song, you're love is amazing. And I was so happy, (I cried) because I was able to focus so much on what god has done for us. And how he truly loves us, he loves me, I am worthy to him, he sent his son to die on the cross for me. And for our little girl, and she doesn't even exist in our world yet. I've been trying to wrap my mind around that. Things haven't made sense but yet we are humble with that. I was so glad to get out. It really lifted my spirits.
Neal took a drive down to dairy queen. I am convinced he gets pregnancy cravings. I didn't really want anything and he was still going to go. Well...I couldn't refuse a sweet treat, so he should be returning soon with a blizzard. He took a cooler and ice packs, so it is still frozen when he gets back. Sorry ladies, he's taken!
Psalm 145:17
"The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made."
Friday, October 27, 2006
Fall Fest
My doctors appointment went well on thursday. My contractions we're not showing up on the monitor, big surprise! I had a nurse who was determined, she said there's a special spot they can usually find that will pick up back contractions. But they never do. They checked and said that my cervix is still closed and that I have not dilated anymore.
I had to increase my medicine. (No more contractions) I am now taking the procardia every 4 hours. And I was up sick last night. Not fun. I asked the doctor at what point do we let my body do what it wants. And she replied after 36 weeks. So I am looking at some more bedrest. I thought that when I turned 34 weeks I would have less restrictions. I just got stuck with more bedrest time. Oh well..........It is for the best. I heard tonight that the last month is actually when they're immune system is being strengthned, so we know god is still working.
I dislike that I feel like I am ready and that I want it to be over. Part of it is that it feels like 18 months, not 9, from the bedrest. I think it's pretty normal for every mother to get uncomfortable and want to meet their baby towards the end?
But I do have big news. The doctor said as long as I went in a wheelchair, I could go to the fall fest tonight. I was so happy. Ryan and joy pushed me in the wheelchair while neal pushed rowan in the stroller. It was nasty weather, so we stayed in the church most of the time. They had games for rowan to play. He got to pick a duck out of a pond and win a glow stick. He also went digging in a pile of corn. He really didn't care much to find the prize as much as he wanted to pick all the corn that all the other children we're throwing out of the pile, back on the pile! (He's a born organizer like mommy and grandma)
I got to see a lot of people who desperately have been awaiting an update on what's been going on. So it was nice to tell the story of our little miracle and how god has been abundant in his grace.
Thank you soooo much to ryan and joy for taking time out of there young busy and social lives to push an old timer like myself around tonight. It was so sweet and It really helped us out.
Well the fest was a good way to end a long week of painful contractions and hopes dashed. Really we've been so blessed by friends and family. Most of all by our Lord. He continues to watch out for things that we don't even acknowledge.
I had to increase my medicine. (No more contractions) I am now taking the procardia every 4 hours. And I was up sick last night. Not fun. I asked the doctor at what point do we let my body do what it wants. And she replied after 36 weeks. So I am looking at some more bedrest. I thought that when I turned 34 weeks I would have less restrictions. I just got stuck with more bedrest time. Oh well..........It is for the best. I heard tonight that the last month is actually when they're immune system is being strengthned, so we know god is still working.
I dislike that I feel like I am ready and that I want it to be over. Part of it is that it feels like 18 months, not 9, from the bedrest. I think it's pretty normal for every mother to get uncomfortable and want to meet their baby towards the end?
But I do have big news. The doctor said as long as I went in a wheelchair, I could go to the fall fest tonight. I was so happy. Ryan and joy pushed me in the wheelchair while neal pushed rowan in the stroller. It was nasty weather, so we stayed in the church most of the time. They had games for rowan to play. He got to pick a duck out of a pond and win a glow stick. He also went digging in a pile of corn. He really didn't care much to find the prize as much as he wanted to pick all the corn that all the other children we're throwing out of the pile, back on the pile! (He's a born organizer like mommy and grandma)
I got to see a lot of people who desperately have been awaiting an update on what's been going on. So it was nice to tell the story of our little miracle and how god has been abundant in his grace.
Thank you soooo much to ryan and joy for taking time out of there young busy and social lives to push an old timer like myself around tonight. It was so sweet and It really helped us out.
Well the fest was a good way to end a long week of painful contractions and hopes dashed. Really we've been so blessed by friends and family. Most of all by our Lord. He continues to watch out for things that we don't even acknowledge.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
I might be breaking out of the house
I am waiting for the doctors office to open so I can call in and change my appointment for tomorrow to today. I have been having irregular contractions for 4 days now. Last night they got much more painful. At first I wasn't sure if they we're contractions at all. But my visiting nurse said that it really sounds like they are. She said what she can't tell is if they are false labor or uterus opening contractions. Right now, I just want them to be done with contractions. I haven't really been able to help much at night with rowan, because I am dealing with these.
I feel like, "C'mon, if we're gonna do this, let's do this!" What a terrible way to look at giving birth. After speaking with tina yesterday, (my ear, shoulder, and more) I realized the reason why this is being so drawn out is because I am still on the contraction stopping medicine. So labor is not progressing quickly, if that's what's going? So we'll see what happens at the doctors office today.
Tomorrow evening our church is having there annual "Petra Fall Fest". It's lots of fun. I was really hoping to find someone to push me around in a wheelchair, while neal pushed rowan in the stroller. But now it looks like it's going to rain. Big boo-hoo. It was going to be my first big night out. Maybe they will reschedule. I am also hoping to go to church on sunday. We'll see what happens. Neal and rowan will be making a trip to costco and I wanted to go along for that. I have big expectations, don't I!
I got some exciting news yeasterday afternoon. Mindy (formerly of tina and mindy) picked up her new cd's yesterday, and she'll be distributing them very soon. I can't wait to get my hands on one. Her voice is so beautiful. And rowan will calm down in a heartbeat when listening to her powerful voice and lyrics. I am trying to convince her to do a lullabye cd. Check out her website.
www.mindyboyd.com
I feel like, "C'mon, if we're gonna do this, let's do this!" What a terrible way to look at giving birth. After speaking with tina yesterday, (my ear, shoulder, and more) I realized the reason why this is being so drawn out is because I am still on the contraction stopping medicine. So labor is not progressing quickly, if that's what's going? So we'll see what happens at the doctors office today.
Tomorrow evening our church is having there annual "Petra Fall Fest". It's lots of fun. I was really hoping to find someone to push me around in a wheelchair, while neal pushed rowan in the stroller. But now it looks like it's going to rain. Big boo-hoo. It was going to be my first big night out. Maybe they will reschedule. I am also hoping to go to church on sunday. We'll see what happens. Neal and rowan will be making a trip to costco and I wanted to go along for that. I have big expectations, don't I!
I got some exciting news yeasterday afternoon. Mindy (formerly of tina and mindy) picked up her new cd's yesterday, and she'll be distributing them very soon. I can't wait to get my hands on one. Her voice is so beautiful. And rowan will calm down in a heartbeat when listening to her powerful voice and lyrics. I am trying to convince her to do a lullabye cd. Check out her website.
www.mindyboyd.com
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Coming soon......Christmas
I am very excited for christmas this year. It used to be a holiday I would dread, because of the death of my mother. Last year was better. We got to enjoy watching rowan for his 1st christmas. And this year we will have quite a special gift. Our little girl. She will make the christmas season something new for us.
I remember last year rowan would roll from one end of the floor until he was underneath the tree and staring up at the lights and shiny ornaments. He watched his cousins open there gifts and loved playing with the wrapping paper, (not the toys)! It was such a beautiful thing to see. We get together with family to celebrate our saviors birth and reflect upon his love for us. Grandpa always read's the story of christs birth, and the children sit around at his feet. It is so storybook picturesque. I love it! Now that neal and I have rowan and baby girl, we look forward to making lots of christmas memories with our new family god had blessed us with.
My visiting nurse comes to visit today. I am actually anxious to see her. I have been having what I think are more contractions. Hopefully she can clear things up for me. I just don't really know what to expect since I had no prewarning signs with rowan. I feel like an invalid, being pregnant the second time. I think I am a little jumpy with going into preterm too. I get fearful that I won't catch the symptoms and have her at home. I don't want that especially since she's early.
God is in control. And if she's born at home, then I trust everything will be fine. And what a way to end such an amazing birth story!
I remember last year rowan would roll from one end of the floor until he was underneath the tree and staring up at the lights and shiny ornaments. He watched his cousins open there gifts and loved playing with the wrapping paper, (not the toys)! It was such a beautiful thing to see. We get together with family to celebrate our saviors birth and reflect upon his love for us. Grandpa always read's the story of christs birth, and the children sit around at his feet. It is so storybook picturesque. I love it! Now that neal and I have rowan and baby girl, we look forward to making lots of christmas memories with our new family god had blessed us with.
My visiting nurse comes to visit today. I am actually anxious to see her. I have been having what I think are more contractions. Hopefully she can clear things up for me. I just don't really know what to expect since I had no prewarning signs with rowan. I feel like an invalid, being pregnant the second time. I think I am a little jumpy with going into preterm too. I get fearful that I won't catch the symptoms and have her at home. I don't want that especially since she's early.
God is in control. And if she's born at home, then I trust everything will be fine. And what a way to end such an amazing birth story!
Monday, October 23, 2006
33 Weeks
Isaiah 30:18
"Therefore the Lord will wait, that he may be gracious to you; and therefore he will be exalted, that he may have mercy on you."
Such a beautiful verse to start your monday off, how true it is! Well you read the title of this blog right. We are 33 weeks pregnant. 9 weeks further then when we started. I am feeling well. Baby girl has the hiccups a lot. I gained two pounds in two days, which is the most I have gained at any one time during my pregnancy. So she's got to be huge. My friend let me borrow preemie clothes, I don't think that is even going to be an issue. And that's a good thing, if we would have a nicu stay it probably wouldn' t be long. (So we're hoping) We might not have one at all.
Rowan is still teething pretty tough. He's now developed a cough. So he couldn't sleep very well last night. He would wake himself up from coughing and cry. We put the warm mist vaporisor in his room to ty and help. Oh how I long to hold him. It's so funny, when I was able to go to him for the fifth time in one night I wished so much I didn't have to. And now, I really want to. But isn't that how it usually works, when we have it we don't want it, and when we don't, we want it. I hope he does well for grandma today and isn't to cranky for her. He gives her good naps, he likes sleeping there.
I thought about some emotions I was having this weekend. I realized I am starting to have the regular pre-baby jitters. The one' you normally have before having the baby. I think this is good, it makes the pregnancy a little more normal. In fact I wear myself out thinking, "How in the world will I take care of two, when one is enough to handle already!" But I know the lord will continue his grace and allow me to be the mother he made me to be. He never gives us more then we can handle, mond you I said HE never gives us more then we can handle. We/I give myself more then what I can handle sometimes. I really feel at peace that in the beginning, it's not going to matter if I can't get house stuff done, and I think neal has a much better appreciation for the fact of why! Which will help with my being a good housewife/stay-at-home mom issues.
I have always struggled with the notion, I stay at home and have a child to raise, so why can't I get the dishes done, clean and fix things up around the house. Neal goes to a job everyday, and works hard, right? I thought I was not working hard, but now when I observe neal and rowan, I understand the struggles I have. Rowan consumes and demands time, and some days things just won't get done. Right?
I hope I am looking at this the right way!
"Therefore the Lord will wait, that he may be gracious to you; and therefore he will be exalted, that he may have mercy on you."
Such a beautiful verse to start your monday off, how true it is! Well you read the title of this blog right. We are 33 weeks pregnant. 9 weeks further then when we started. I am feeling well. Baby girl has the hiccups a lot. I gained two pounds in two days, which is the most I have gained at any one time during my pregnancy. So she's got to be huge. My friend let me borrow preemie clothes, I don't think that is even going to be an issue. And that's a good thing, if we would have a nicu stay it probably wouldn' t be long. (So we're hoping) We might not have one at all.
Rowan is still teething pretty tough. He's now developed a cough. So he couldn't sleep very well last night. He would wake himself up from coughing and cry. We put the warm mist vaporisor in his room to ty and help. Oh how I long to hold him. It's so funny, when I was able to go to him for the fifth time in one night I wished so much I didn't have to. And now, I really want to. But isn't that how it usually works, when we have it we don't want it, and when we don't, we want it. I hope he does well for grandma today and isn't to cranky for her. He gives her good naps, he likes sleeping there.
I thought about some emotions I was having this weekend. I realized I am starting to have the regular pre-baby jitters. The one' you normally have before having the baby. I think this is good, it makes the pregnancy a little more normal. In fact I wear myself out thinking, "How in the world will I take care of two, when one is enough to handle already!" But I know the lord will continue his grace and allow me to be the mother he made me to be. He never gives us more then we can handle, mond you I said HE never gives us more then we can handle. We/I give myself more then what I can handle sometimes. I really feel at peace that in the beginning, it's not going to matter if I can't get house stuff done, and I think neal has a much better appreciation for the fact of why! Which will help with my being a good housewife/stay-at-home mom issues.
I have always struggled with the notion, I stay at home and have a child to raise, so why can't I get the dishes done, clean and fix things up around the house. Neal goes to a job everyday, and works hard, right? I thought I was not working hard, but now when I observe neal and rowan, I understand the struggles I have. Rowan consumes and demands time, and some days things just won't get done. Right?
I hope I am looking at this the right way!
Friday, October 20, 2006
Doctors Visit and Contractions
I had my weekly scheduled doctors appointment today. When I got to the office and was waiting I started feeling some back contractions. So when I spoke to the doctor he wanted to put me on the monitor to see what was showing. Nothing showed up. That's exactly how it was when I went into preterm at 24 weeks. I remember nurses telling me that when you have contractions in the back, they do not show up on the toco monitor. So I guess this will be another back labor. Oh well, at least this time I am prepared for it, somewhat. The doctor sent me home and said to come back in a week. It's very good news. From there eyes I am not in labor. But I am in pain and still feel enormously uncomfortable. I am not allowed to do exercises to try to move her position so it won't hurt so bad. Oh wait...I am allowed to be on all fours and shake my tush back and forth. That's it! At least it's something though?
Rowan is cutting his bottom cuspids. He's been having trouble sleeping and was cranky for grandma and pop-pop today. I feel so bad. As a mother I don't want anyone to have to put up with my fussy child. But they have lots of experience and they do not complain. It seems everyday he gets smarter and smarter. And of course cuter and cuter! He's learning lots of words and loves chasing his kitty, (ella) around the house. And ella loves it too. He'll be 18 months next week. As soon as I figure how to post a picture, (well resize them to post them) I'll put one on. He has the most adorable curls. I could just go on and on!
Neal started painting rowan's new room last night. He was able to get one coat of kills on one wall. He's very picky and doesn't really enjoy painting. I think it looks fine, but he says he can see spots and that he needs to go over it again. I wish I could help him. We had friends offer but they have already done so much, it's so hard to ask for more from anyone. As we have been so blessed by so many.
Tomorrow night the sensenig clan will be joining us for dinner. We are going to pick names for christmas. I love christmas, and this year it will be extra special. My sister in law jen, will be making my favorite, cheesy bacon potato soup. I have been craving this for some time now. It will be nice to have company.
Oh I do not want to forget to mention, I had the most awesome dessert in the world on thursday. Crumb cake. It was the most delicious thing I have ever tasted. I loved it! My friend trish came by to make me lunch and she had some leftover from the day before. She left some here. Um...I don't think there is any left. I want to make more, but I can't. Anyway, crumb cake is my new favorite dessert. As soon as I can bake again, this will be the first thing I will make.
Rowan is cutting his bottom cuspids. He's been having trouble sleeping and was cranky for grandma and pop-pop today. I feel so bad. As a mother I don't want anyone to have to put up with my fussy child. But they have lots of experience and they do not complain. It seems everyday he gets smarter and smarter. And of course cuter and cuter! He's learning lots of words and loves chasing his kitty, (ella) around the house. And ella loves it too. He'll be 18 months next week. As soon as I figure how to post a picture, (well resize them to post them) I'll put one on. He has the most adorable curls. I could just go on and on!
Neal started painting rowan's new room last night. He was able to get one coat of kills on one wall. He's very picky and doesn't really enjoy painting. I think it looks fine, but he says he can see spots and that he needs to go over it again. I wish I could help him. We had friends offer but they have already done so much, it's so hard to ask for more from anyone. As we have been so blessed by so many.
Tomorrow night the sensenig clan will be joining us for dinner. We are going to pick names for christmas. I love christmas, and this year it will be extra special. My sister in law jen, will be making my favorite, cheesy bacon potato soup. I have been craving this for some time now. It will be nice to have company.
Oh I do not want to forget to mention, I had the most awesome dessert in the world on thursday. Crumb cake. It was the most delicious thing I have ever tasted. I loved it! My friend trish came by to make me lunch and she had some leftover from the day before. She left some here. Um...I don't think there is any left. I want to make more, but I can't. Anyway, crumb cake is my new favorite dessert. As soon as I can bake again, this will be the first thing I will make.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Flood of Tears
I was checking my e-mail and I received an e-mail from a friend. It's a story about a father and son triathlon team. The son, rick, was born with his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and suffered severe brain damage. His father, dick, was told to give up on him, that rick would be a vegetable for the rest of his life. But dick refused. One day rick asked his father if they could help a classmate who was paralyzed in an accident, by running in a small marathon. So dick ran while pushing rick. He told his father that while they were running he didn't feel like he was diabled anymore. From then on it inspired dick to enter marathons and triathlon's, while having rick in tow. A video was forwarded along with the e-mail. I encourage you to check it out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v+ryCTIigaloQ
I watched the video two times. I cried and cried. As I blogged previously, I've been a little discouraged lately. With not feeling well. But this e-mail and video could not have come at a better time.
When I watched it, I pictured my father carrying me. Of course he's been doing it my whole life. The last 8 weeks have been so precious, his love and grace. I know I keep repeating his grace...his grace...but I connot think of any other type of description to display him in our lives right now. I am so glad this e-mail found me today. It reassures me that I am still important to him and that he is still carrying me, as rough as the last few days are. And definately gives my faith a boost!
"When it's all falling down on you"
"You're crying out but you're breaking in two"
"When it's all crashing down on you"
"When there's nothing you can do"
"There is someone who will carry you"
"Every little thing, every little thing, every little thing, is gonna be alright"
Delirious (World Service album)
What truth this is for us. She has been kept safely in the womb by him. I continue to praise him! God you are so sovreign! Thank you for blessing us and for taking us through this. You've guided us to become deeper in love with you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v+ryCTIigaloQ
I watched the video two times. I cried and cried. As I blogged previously, I've been a little discouraged lately. With not feeling well. But this e-mail and video could not have come at a better time.
When I watched it, I pictured my father carrying me. Of course he's been doing it my whole life. The last 8 weeks have been so precious, his love and grace. I know I keep repeating his grace...his grace...but I connot think of any other type of description to display him in our lives right now. I am so glad this e-mail found me today. It reassures me that I am still important to him and that he is still carrying me, as rough as the last few days are. And definately gives my faith a boost!
"When it's all falling down on you"
"You're crying out but you're breaking in two"
"When it's all crashing down on you"
"When there's nothing you can do"
"There is someone who will carry you"
"Every little thing, every little thing, every little thing, is gonna be alright"
Delirious (World Service album)
What truth this is for us. She has been kept safely in the womb by him. I continue to praise him! God you are so sovreign! Thank you for blessing us and for taking us through this. You've guided us to become deeper in love with you.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Struggling
Today was a hard day. I just feel miserable. I am so big, I'm swelling, neuseas, dizzy, so tired and I cannot do anything. Like take a walk in the fresh air to try to feel better. The worst part of all of it is, I feel so guilty for even feeling miserable when it is the health of our baby at concern! Who am I to complain? The lord has abundantly blessed us with the time for her to grow and be as healthy as possible. And I have the audacity to speak my suffering.
After talking with my sister-in-law (jen, who is going to school to become an rn) I think a lot of of it has to do with the baby's position right now. It's so uncomfortable. She is wedged head down in my pelvis and I think her face is towards my back. And I am pretty sure she is on a nerve. So after some coaxing from my husband I took a pain pill to try to help. (Poor neal and what he's had to put up with, he's probably asking god to revoke the sickness and in health vow about now!)
8 weeks down of bedrest and possibly 8 more to go. I was at the doctors today, they are allowing me to cut back on the procardia, (contraction stopping medicine). I have been feeling more sick and dizzy lately. So hopefully this will help with everything.
Everynight I point to my belly and tell rowan his baby sister is in there. The other night he walked up to me and points to my belly and says, "Baby". Neal and I warmly looked at each other and laughed. Now rowan likes to do it more often. And of course I love it. Not sure if he really understands, being 18 months, but it's darn cute. I have been giving him baths at night, which has really been helpful to neal, it gives him a 1/2 hour or more to himself. Rowan is happy when I give him a bath, but screams at neal when he does it. So it's less time for neal to have to listen to him fuss! Which is a plus.
Hoping to sleep well tonight. Well........to sleep tonight
After talking with my sister-in-law (jen, who is going to school to become an rn) I think a lot of of it has to do with the baby's position right now. It's so uncomfortable. She is wedged head down in my pelvis and I think her face is towards my back. And I am pretty sure she is on a nerve. So after some coaxing from my husband I took a pain pill to try to help. (Poor neal and what he's had to put up with, he's probably asking god to revoke the sickness and in health vow about now!)
8 weeks down of bedrest and possibly 8 more to go. I was at the doctors today, they are allowing me to cut back on the procardia, (contraction stopping medicine). I have been feeling more sick and dizzy lately. So hopefully this will help with everything.
Everynight I point to my belly and tell rowan his baby sister is in there. The other night he walked up to me and points to my belly and says, "Baby". Neal and I warmly looked at each other and laughed. Now rowan likes to do it more often. And of course I love it. Not sure if he really understands, being 18 months, but it's darn cute. I have been giving him baths at night, which has really been helpful to neal, it gives him a 1/2 hour or more to himself. Rowan is happy when I give him a bath, but screams at neal when he does it. So it's less time for neal to have to listen to him fuss! Which is a plus.
Hoping to sleep well tonight. Well........to sleep tonight
Monday, October 16, 2006
Baby Shower
Last night my dear friends held a baby shower for me. It was really nice to have company over. It's hard having people wait on you hand and foot. But I don't think they minded doing it. Plus all the kids we're together and played. It was fun to sit back and observe them.
We are definately stocked with diapers for a while. We got some basic neccesities, which will really help us, since I am not able to get out to shop and stock up on things. They threw in a little surprise, everyone invited brought a meal to stick in our pack freezer. So when the baby comes I will have no worrys as to what to make. I can just go out in the garage and pull a meal already prepared, thaw it, bake it, and eat it. Awesome idea!
Rowan enjoyed watching everyone. He would just run back and forth between each room and see what was going on. He was so excited to have friends over. Unfortunately he did not sleep well last night. So grandma will have her hands full this morning, but hopefully he will take a good nap and be happier for her in the afternoon. (I am praying) Thanks grandma for all you do!
Tina e-mailed me pictures from last night, they are great. She is such a wonderful picture taker. She knows the right moments to capture. She seriously needs to start her own business. Just working part-time. Having people come to her for their photos. Tina, you could have d fix up the basement and put a studio down there. (Even though the bed worked great for rowan) And I will market for you. Then you could do more shopping, jk! Thank you for the trips you make for me. And sitting and listening to me jabber on the phone. Our friendship is so meaningful to me. I am glad we are going through everything together, except the whole 4:30 in the morning thing. I don't mind not sharing that with you. I know you are sick and tired of hearing it's just a phase or it will get better. So my words of wisdom are, although crying is hard to listen to, it will strenghthen his lungs and so later in life he will probably not suffer so much from bronchitis or chest colds. Cause you will have given them a workout. LOL!
Kudos go out to Jen, Bev and Trish. You guys have been amazing friends through this whole experience. Bev you have lavished us with so much. You are truly a giver. Our little girl will be decked out in the cutest little outfits and will have an outfit for each day for her first 6 months. Thank you for your kindness.
Jen, you've been so thoughtful of rowan through this whole experience. I would not have even thought of half the stuff you do. Thanks for passing on your experience. And listening to me.
Trish you have been amazing! Your weekly visits really break up my week and helps the bedrest to go faster. And I love my jadon fix, it helps nurse the wound of not having rowan. I do love playing trucks. Nobody makes a meaner grilled cheeses then you!
I just hope I can repay you for all the blessings you have showered upon us. I pray god will touch your lives and help ease you through any difficult times to come and maybe allow me to step in to help as well.
Neal, I love you! I am glad that god awoke me that warm august day and blessed me with such an amazing gift, YOU! Through you I found my true salvation. And together as one we love and serve christ. He sent you to me, for me to love you, and I will uphold that!
Happy Belated Birthday Rob! Turning 45 isn't so bad? JK!
We are definately stocked with diapers for a while. We got some basic neccesities, which will really help us, since I am not able to get out to shop and stock up on things. They threw in a little surprise, everyone invited brought a meal to stick in our pack freezer. So when the baby comes I will have no worrys as to what to make. I can just go out in the garage and pull a meal already prepared, thaw it, bake it, and eat it. Awesome idea!
Rowan enjoyed watching everyone. He would just run back and forth between each room and see what was going on. He was so excited to have friends over. Unfortunately he did not sleep well last night. So grandma will have her hands full this morning, but hopefully he will take a good nap and be happier for her in the afternoon. (I am praying) Thanks grandma for all you do!
Tina e-mailed me pictures from last night, they are great. She is such a wonderful picture taker. She knows the right moments to capture. She seriously needs to start her own business. Just working part-time. Having people come to her for their photos. Tina, you could have d fix up the basement and put a studio down there. (Even though the bed worked great for rowan) And I will market for you. Then you could do more shopping, jk! Thank you for the trips you make for me. And sitting and listening to me jabber on the phone. Our friendship is so meaningful to me. I am glad we are going through everything together, except the whole 4:30 in the morning thing. I don't mind not sharing that with you. I know you are sick and tired of hearing it's just a phase or it will get better. So my words of wisdom are, although crying is hard to listen to, it will strenghthen his lungs and so later in life he will probably not suffer so much from bronchitis or chest colds. Cause you will have given them a workout. LOL!
Kudos go out to Jen, Bev and Trish. You guys have been amazing friends through this whole experience. Bev you have lavished us with so much. You are truly a giver. Our little girl will be decked out in the cutest little outfits and will have an outfit for each day for her first 6 months. Thank you for your kindness.
Jen, you've been so thoughtful of rowan through this whole experience. I would not have even thought of half the stuff you do. Thanks for passing on your experience. And listening to me.
Trish you have been amazing! Your weekly visits really break up my week and helps the bedrest to go faster. And I love my jadon fix, it helps nurse the wound of not having rowan. I do love playing trucks. Nobody makes a meaner grilled cheeses then you!
I just hope I can repay you for all the blessings you have showered upon us. I pray god will touch your lives and help ease you through any difficult times to come and maybe allow me to step in to help as well.
Neal, I love you! I am glad that god awoke me that warm august day and blessed me with such an amazing gift, YOU! Through you I found my true salvation. And together as one we love and serve christ. He sent you to me, for me to love you, and I will uphold that!
Happy Belated Birthday Rob! Turning 45 isn't so bad? JK!
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Precautious?
It is chilly today! It was 28 degrees at 8:00 this morning. Neal and rowan went grocery shopping. They're favorite thing to do. There wasn't much on the list so it will be a quick trip. Rowan still has not learned grocery store manners. Do they ever? Today should be a relaxing day. Nothing on the schedule.
Yesterday was quite different. I had my regularly scheduled doctors appoinment. First an nst, (non-stress test) which went well. As always she is doing great and sounds wonderful! The appoinment turned into a 4 hour hospital stay. The doctor asked how I was and if I had any questions. I explained I've been feeling a little crampy. (It was a doctor I never had before, not even with rowan). So she asked me to explain what's been going on. Since she was new to my case, she ordered me over to triage right away and to run some tests.
That was a little scary at first. Everything felt fine. Anyway after they got the test results, they came in and told me I am dehydrated.
Okay...I drink...thinking here.....90 oz of water a day and then 2-3 glasses of milk on top of that. I thought that was a lot. I think that impressed this doctor, but she said, "I guess you're body needs more." So I need to drink more water.
Oh this is funny! They do this test called a fetal fibronectin. It is to see if you are at risk for preterm labor. So they came in and said this is one of the test's they did and it came back positive. Which means I am at high risk for preterm labor. Umm....no comment! I do appreciate them being thorough because it is important.
I missed a day with rowan, didn't get to see him at all yesterday. But now we have the weekend to spend together. That will be nice. He was up at 5:00 AM this morning, that was not so nice. Hopefully he will take a long nap and be well rested.
Yesterday was quite different. I had my regularly scheduled doctors appoinment. First an nst, (non-stress test) which went well. As always she is doing great and sounds wonderful! The appoinment turned into a 4 hour hospital stay. The doctor asked how I was and if I had any questions. I explained I've been feeling a little crampy. (It was a doctor I never had before, not even with rowan). So she asked me to explain what's been going on. Since she was new to my case, she ordered me over to triage right away and to run some tests.
That was a little scary at first. Everything felt fine. Anyway after they got the test results, they came in and told me I am dehydrated.
Okay...I drink...thinking here.....90 oz of water a day and then 2-3 glasses of milk on top of that. I thought that was a lot. I think that impressed this doctor, but she said, "I guess you're body needs more." So I need to drink more water.
Oh this is funny! They do this test called a fetal fibronectin. It is to see if you are at risk for preterm labor. So they came in and said this is one of the test's they did and it came back positive. Which means I am at high risk for preterm labor. Umm....no comment! I do appreciate them being thorough because it is important.
I missed a day with rowan, didn't get to see him at all yesterday. But now we have the weekend to spend together. That will be nice. He was up at 5:00 AM this morning, that was not so nice. Hopefully he will take a long nap and be well rested.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Worry, Doubt, Hope, Faith, and Love
With all this time on my hands (being on bedrest), I have a lot of time to worry. Since I cannot move around too much, I feel every little move she makes and sometimes feel something and wonder, am I going into labor? What if I miss a sign and somethings wrong? I want to be in control and not let the lord have his way with the situation. Refusing him to work his plan and destiny.
So I doubt myself as her mother and feel as though I am an incompetent human being. Why am I being trusted to know the signs, I am a very undeserving person to have that much responsibilty.
Then hope overcomes me, because of hope we have made it through thus far. I cannot explain the fear that struck us 8 weeks ago when we went into labor. But it wasn't very long before we felt the peace that friends and family's prayers carried us through that moment and the many to come. It is their support and encouragment that has kept us faithful in an amazing god. He chose our little girl to be a miracle. But better yet, she will be a testimony to all.
Isaiah 49:6
"I will also make you a light of the nations so that my salvation may reach to the end of the earth."
I truly believe that is something she will accomplish, taking her story of god's grace and sharing it with many.
It is by our faith that he has mercy on us. I think, why us? And then I remember. He loves us. He really loves us!
And all of you love us, the support you have lavished on us has been amazing.
Thank you and we love you.
So I doubt myself as her mother and feel as though I am an incompetent human being. Why am I being trusted to know the signs, I am a very undeserving person to have that much responsibilty.
Then hope overcomes me, because of hope we have made it through thus far. I cannot explain the fear that struck us 8 weeks ago when we went into labor. But it wasn't very long before we felt the peace that friends and family's prayers carried us through that moment and the many to come. It is their support and encouragment that has kept us faithful in an amazing god. He chose our little girl to be a miracle. But better yet, she will be a testimony to all.
Isaiah 49:6
"I will also make you a light of the nations so that my salvation may reach to the end of the earth."
I truly believe that is something she will accomplish, taking her story of god's grace and sharing it with many.
It is by our faith that he has mercy on us. I think, why us? And then I remember. He loves us. He really loves us!
And all of you love us, the support you have lavished on us has been amazing.
Thank you and we love you.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
The Season
Fall is among us. It is my favorite season. I love the start of the chilly air, fairs and fair food, the parades, pumpkin decorated porches, raking leaves, and the changing colors of the leaves. It is usually filled with trips to the cabin, since my husband is an avid hunter. And also thanksgiving. A time to get together with family and fellowship. Another one of my favorite things to do. (Eat and talk)!
The lord has also put me into a different season in my life. A season of patience and receiving. 7 weeks ago I was placed on strict bedrest until the end of my pregnancy. We went into preterm labor at 24 weeks. It is a little hard to go into details, since their are many. The key ingredient is that I basically have no cervix left (.06 cm) to hold our baby girl. But god's hands are there to fill in. He has kept us pregnant this far. The doctors ask me, "You're still pregnant? "Ah the power of medicine." And I reply, "No the power of a miracle!" And so that is what our little girl is, a miracle. I spent the first 4 weeks in the hospital. Away from my boys. My husband has done such a super job at becoming a single father to our 18 month old son rowan. Now that I am home, it is nice, but I still can't help him. It makes me feel useless as a mother.We recieve meals 3 days a week from women in our church and close friends. It has been such a huge blessing. We are being fed well. And everyone is so willing to help us out. I am not used to being on this end of things. Usually I like to be the giver and think of myself as a bad reciever.I asked a friend, "How will I ever be able to bless all these people who are blessing us right now?" And her wise words we're, "Jenny, he will bless them more then you ever could!" That is so true and I continue to hold onto that.
Psalm 139:13-16
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
The lord has also put me into a different season in my life. A season of patience and receiving. 7 weeks ago I was placed on strict bedrest until the end of my pregnancy. We went into preterm labor at 24 weeks. It is a little hard to go into details, since their are many. The key ingredient is that I basically have no cervix left (.06 cm) to hold our baby girl. But god's hands are there to fill in. He has kept us pregnant this far. The doctors ask me, "You're still pregnant? "Ah the power of medicine." And I reply, "No the power of a miracle!" And so that is what our little girl is, a miracle. I spent the first 4 weeks in the hospital. Away from my boys. My husband has done such a super job at becoming a single father to our 18 month old son rowan. Now that I am home, it is nice, but I still can't help him. It makes me feel useless as a mother.We recieve meals 3 days a week from women in our church and close friends. It has been such a huge blessing. We are being fed well. And everyone is so willing to help us out. I am not used to being on this end of things. Usually I like to be the giver and think of myself as a bad reciever.I asked a friend, "How will I ever be able to bless all these people who are blessing us right now?" And her wise words we're, "Jenny, he will bless them more then you ever could!" That is so true and I continue to hold onto that.
Psalm 139:13-16
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
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