Making hearts

Yesterday rowan and I made paper hearts to put up on our windows. I forgot how much fun this was. Rowan was semi interested. But I was able to get some time with him, and we we're doing an activity. Ali slept in her car seat on top of the bouncer seat, while it was vibrating, (to stimulate the motion of the car). While the oven hood fan was running. Quite a trick I have conjured up.

Had a good evening last night. She didn't scream. She spent the day doing that yesterday. I have made the decesion to call the doctors today and ask them to do a milk protein allergy test. My one friend keeps telling me that ali's inconsolable sounds alot like her daughter. I am not having much luck getting the zantac down, even though it is flavored grape, it still smells horrible. So I might ask them for something different. Rowan took prilosec and never had trouble taking it. In fact once he got older, he would open his mouth when I pulled it out of the fridge.

I think I have come to the point, where I can no longer do this, and something has to be done about it. I know everyone keeps saying you have to get through this, just ride it out. But this is just insane. How do you continue to take care of a screaming baby, and a toddler, who has now reverted to wanting to do the same, (since he hears his sister doing it), all day and night, every day and night?

Today I have the option of going to a mothers group at church. Which I really need right now, (the encoragement), but last time I tried to leave rowan in his class, he threw up. So I probably won't even try.

Not sure what I am going to do to fill the time then. I will have to mayby take a look again at my busy toddler book and see if there might be some other fun things rowan and I can do, as long as ali cooperates.

Fantastic Night

Neal returned and ali woke up when being moved from the car seat to the swing, for night time sleeping. I tried to nurse her and get her back to sleep. but she just started crying again. So I let her go. I just woke up about a half hour ago, and realized this was the first time since 11:30 last night. I asked neal if she cried herself to sleep. He answered yes. For only about 10 minutes. I can't believe I fell asleep during that.

Anyway she must have been really tuckered out. She'll probably be getting up soon. But what a huge praise. It's the first night she's slept throught the night. It was a nice break for me. Boy will she be hungry when she wakes up.

Today I am going to try to set aside more personal one on one time with rowan. I got some crafty things for us to do at walmart last night. I am hoping this starts helping with the acting out. He wants my attention constantly, and I just cannot provide it to him, with taking care of ali.

My sister-in-law is having a get together this saturday night. A bachlorette type get together. I am really hoping I can go. I need a night out. But feel really guilty about leaving hubby with both kids, especially since that is the time when ali cries inconsolably. Plus she still fights the bottle. She wanted nothing to do with it last night. We'll have to see.

"Ughh" When will it end?

Ali is currently in tow with neal on a car ride. She has just spent the last 2 hours screaming. It's just so crazy. We want to pull our hair out. How can a baby cry this much? And why can't we console her? I feel like I need to get second opinions from other doctors to make sure everything is okay.

I did call into my docs today and asked if we could try reflux medicine. I picked it up tonight. It is zantac, we never tried that with rowan. So I am curious to see how well it works. They flavored it with grape, to make it taste better. She wasn't too impressed. So we have to wait a week to see if it starts helping. She is spitting up so much. And then wanting to eat all the time, which I think exazerbates the situation.

I told docs, I just want her to not be so miserable anymore, it's been two and a half months now. Well I better go, I should try to get a couple minutes of sleep before they arrive home.

Colic?

Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

A modern day parable says that once upon a time the Lord appeared to a woman. He explained that he had work for her to do. Every day she was to push, with all her strength, against a massive rock in her yard. After years of pushing against the rock without ever moving it, she felt all her work was in vain. Sensing her discouragement, Satan decided to enter the picture. "Nothing is happening," he taunted, "Give up; it's hopeless!" The woman intended to quit but to first make it a matter of prayer."Lord, I've pushed with all my strength, but the rock has not moved." The Lord replied, "My child, you have done just as I asked. I never once mentioned that I expected you to move the rock. Look at your arms, legs and hands. They ar emush stronger now. Through opposition, you have grown. Your calling was to be obedient and to put your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done. Now, my beloved, I will help you move the rock!"

I've been blessed with some time to myself. And knew I needed to come here. I spent some time before I started blogging, looking back and reading previous blogs. I can't grasp the strong faith I had and where has it gone? I've lost complete hindsight of things. You feel like the world will just cave in around you.

But know I look back and think, it's not so bad and we're going to get through this.

Several weeks ago Ali started crying about 3-4 hours a night. People kept saying, "Oh yeah my baby was fussy in the evenings too!" But it's still going strong. And there is always a point where she just becomes inconsolable for up to an hour. So neal and I have been playing pass the baby. I took her to the doctors and they said it's colic, just deal with it. Which is quite dissapointing! A friend thought it could be allergies and another thought reflux. All I know is I just want it to end. I keep praying for it to end. I can't enjoy her. Then it dawned on me, I need to stop whining for this to end. And pray for strength to get through it. I am still a little determined about the whole reflux thing. But i am giving that up to God and letting him guide me to a decision about it.

Rowan is entering into a new stage, temper tantrums. Not sure if it's age, stress, or lack of attention from us. I still see him as my innocent little boy and then he'll throw something at me or ali and I think, what happened? I believe it is a combination of all of these things. I took him today to get fitted for a tux, he's in his aunt joy's wedding at the end of march. He looks so cute with a tux jacket on. Everyone in the store was saying how cute he is. That makes you forget the last tantrum! I am hoping and praying I can continue to be a loving and nurturing mother to him and her.

I want to stop dwelling on what I can do differently and just be in the moment and accept that I am not going to be able to always give special attention to rowan and sometimes ali will just have to scream. I am a mother not an occtopus!

Well this hasn't inspired nor encouraged anyone, but I hope everyone is well.